Flying from the Catacombs
by CrazyAuntC
Summary: Sequel to "Catacombs of the Heart." How have things changed since Harm's departure and do Harm and Mac have a chance at a relationship?
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is another story that I wrote about ten years ago and I've recently dusted it off. I had requests for the sequel to "Catacombs of the Heart," so here it is. It isn't the story I'd write today as a sequel, and I don't feel the same affection for it that I do for "Catacombs of the Heart." That being said, it is what it is. Other than fixing a few typos, I've left it as it was originally written and published (somewhere).

On another note, I apologize for taking so long to post this, especially given that it was already written. I was hoping to get this done in August, but my life got turned upside down in the most unexpected, but happy, way. I went from completely unemployed to completely employed. As a teacher, my hiring window grew pretty small as summer progressed, so I applied for pretty much anything. I was unexpectedly hired and told to report three days before school started. Yay! The problem? The job was across the state. So I had to get used to a new school, move across the state, and get settled. I think that makes for a good excuse. I will try to get this up as quickly as possible, but I don't always have time to post.

xxxxx

Title: Flying from the Catacombs

Author: Carrie

Rating: NC-17 (sexual references/situations)

Summary: Sequel to "Catacombs of the Heart." How have things changed since Harm's departure and do Harm and Mac have a chance at a relationship?

Spoilers: Anything up to and including "A Tangled Webb (1)" and a brief one to "Secret Agent Man," the same one as in "Catacombs of the Heart."

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters and people in this. I can't afford to own them and still pay the actors what they are currently making. DPB, Paramount Pictures, Belisarius Productions, and CBS Television can pay them, though. But if they were willing to sell them for a really cheap price, and everybody was willing to take a very steep pay cut, I'd be happy to own them! I'd put them to good use, I promise. Oh, any characters you haven't heard of prior to this story, I did make them up and I do own them. They don't get paid 'cause I can be mean like that to them!

AN: The baby deal does come into play in this story. For some reason, when I was writing this, I kept thinking little AJ was born in April. If we go by the date that "Yeah Baby" aired, it was really in May. I, unfortunately, realized this way too late to change it, so in my little world, AJ's birthday is in April.

xxxxx

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia  
Monday, April 5, 2004  
1044 Hours (local)

Mac was going over a case very carefully. This one had been tricky; the defendant was very skilled at lying. She had a psychologist coming in to talk about his condition, his compulsive lying, but Mac knew she needed more to nail him. This would have been one of those times when she would have turned to Harm for ideas, but he was still TAD. After a four-month absence, she still didn't know where he was. She knew Sturgis and Bud had talked to him and the Admiral certainly knew where he was stationed, but Harm had left without telling her where he was going, so she respected that, figuring that he must have had his reasons. She hadn't spoken to him since the night he left.

She would never forget the way the early spring sunlight was filtering through the blinds on the window in her office. She would never forget where everybody in the bullpen was standing, what they were doing. She would never forget what case she was working on or what the date and the time was when the phone call came in. "Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie," she answered cheerfully.

There was silence.

"Hello?" Mac spoke into the phone.

"Mac?" a weak voice asked.

Mac didn't immediately recognize the voice, but they obviously knew her. "Yes?"

The voice drew a shaky breath. Mac heard a sound like a sniffle.

"Who is this?" Mac asked, both confused and worried.

"Sorry," the voice responded weakly with just a hint of laughter. "It's Trish. Trish Burnett. Harm's mom."

With those words, Mac's heart was in her throat and her stomach clenched in a knot. "Mrs. Burnett, is Harm all right?"

For a moment, there was no answer. "No," she finally stated simply, her voice heavy.

Mac was glad she was sitting down. If she had been standing, she probably would have collapsed on the floor. As it was, she placed her forehead on one hand, looking downward, not focusing on anything, and her elbow resting on the desk. Her other hand was clutching the phone to her ear. "What happened?" she asked weakly.

"There was an accident. They think it was an accident. They're still looking into it," Mrs. Burnett began. Sighing heavily, she spoke again, her voice wavering and sounding teary. "When they found him, he was unconscious, face down in the water."

"Is he…" Mac started, struggling to keep her tears from falling, but losing he battle. "He isn't…" she tried again. She couldn't bring herself to say the word.

"Dead?" Trish asked. "No," she answered quickly. "They have him on life support. They believe he was in the water for ten to fifteen minutes, but there is no way to tell for sure."

"Will he make it?" Mac asked weakly, a few tears spilling out.

"They don't think so. It's doubtful. Most people don't survive this. He's lucky to have made it this far."

"But people do survive?" Mac asked hopefully.

"Some do, but there is almost always permanent brain damage. The brain can't go for a long period of time without oxygen. Brain cells start to die within the first two to five minutes."

"Oh, God," Mac moaned. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be ending like this. "You know," Mac began, her voice wavering again, "we hadn't spoken to each other in four months."

"I know," Mrs. Burnett spoke calmly. "But we thought he'd want you to know, that he'd want you here. If you want to be here."

"Yes, of course," Mac responded. "But I don't know where he is. He never told me where he was going."

"He was stationed at North Island. We're at Kindred Hospital in San Diego."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Mac said.

"Hurry," Mrs. Burnett said weakly.

When they hung up the phone, Mac stared at the wood on her desk for a few minutes, blinking back the tears, trying to calm her stomach and stop her heart from racing. She rose from her desk and walked to Petty Officer Coates' desk outside the Admiral's office. "Can I see him, Petty Officer?" Mac asked weakly.

Jen looked up at Mac and saw the expression on her face. Her eyes were red and her skin was pale, but what struck her most was the pain and fear in her eyes. "Let me check, Ma'am," Jen said quickly. Picking up the phone, she said to the Admiral, "Sir, Colonel MacKenzie would like to see you."

The Admiral asked her, "Is it important?"

"I think so, Sir," Jen responded, casting a nervous glance up at Mac.

Sighing, the Admiral said, "Send her in." He was busy this morning and he didn't have time to be wasted.

"You can go in, Ma'am," Jen said to Mac.

"Thanks," Mac said quickly as she stepped into the Admiral's office.

"At ease," he immediately ordered. He continued to look at the papers in front of him.

"Sir, I would like to request a few days leave."

"You know we are shorthanded here, Colonel. What are your reasons for wanting leave and how long do you expect to be gone?" He asked curtly, still working, not looking up.

"Sir," Mac began weakly, her voice trembling, "I don't know."

At this, the Admiral looked up. Mac's appearance and the tears he saw in her eyes shocked him. This was not at all like his Chief of Staff.

"Admiral," she continued, "I just got a call from Trish Burnett, Harm's mom. There was an accident and he's in the hospital."

"It's serious?" he asked, although he knew by Mac's face that it was.

"They have him on life support, Sir. They don't expect him to make it."

The Admiral leaned back in his chair and sighed. He hated this part of his job. He couldn't let her go because they were shorthanded and she was handling several big cases at the moment, but on the other hand, he had to let her go. Based on her appearance, she just might pull a Rabb and resign, and he couldn't handle that loss.

"Colonel," he began, unsure of how to tell her this. "Mac," he tried again, "if I don't grant you leave, what will you do?"

Mac closed her eyes and swallowed. "I'll resign, Sir." She didn't want to do that, but she was prepared to do whatever it took to get to Harm. He had proven that he would do the same for her and it was past time she showed him what she was willing to do for him.

The Admiral nodded, but she couldn't see it. "I shouldn't let you. The SecNav will probably have my head for this, but I can't afford to lose a good officer. I damn near lost Rabb-" he stopped short. From Mac's report, it seemed he had lost Rabb anyway. "Go. We'll figure something out."

Mac opened her eyes and a few tears spilled out. "Thank you, Sir," she responded, wiping a few fallen tears with the back of her hand.

"Get out of here."

Mac nodded and turned sharply on her heel. She opened the door and turned back to the Admiral. "Thank you, Admiral. You don't know how much this means to me."

The Admiral nodded. "I might have an idea."

Mac left quickly and raced back to her office, grabbing her purse and personal items. After driving back to her apartment in the city, she spoke to the airlines while she shoved clothes and toiletries into a bag. By the time she left her place in a cab, she had a flight secured that was leaving for Los Angeles shortly after 1230, where she would have a layover before departing for San Diego. She was due to arrive around 1645. It was the best she could do on such short notice.

Racing through the airport, Mac was thankful that Washington National was pretty efficient with security. Having heard stories from people flying out of airports where the line through security was a three-hour wait, she was appreciative of the effectiveness of the TSA agents today. She made it to the gate and was one of the last passengers to board the plane. Leaning back in her seat, Mac closed her eyes, alone with her thoughts.

She and Harm hadn't gone their separate ways on great terms. A lot of things had been said prior to his departure, a lot of hurtful things, but things that perhaps had to be said. When Harm left, Mac knew he was right to do it. They were gradually tearing each other down, chipping away at whatever was there between them. Things had been good, at times, before he left. His birthday and the Admiral's engagement party were memories that brought a smile to Mac's face. It had been like old times that night, for just a little while. But Mac hadn't been able to let go of the image of Harm in a passionate embrace with another woman, a married woman.

Then, somehow, the line between friends and lovers became blurred and they had stepped over that line, or come close to it, more than once in the weeks before Harm left. It seemed like the more they fought, the closer they got to crossing that line. And the more Mac tried to fight it, the harder it was to resist. When it came to having Harm next to her, wanting her, she couldn't make herself stop. She had walked away from him once, but the next time they were in a compromising situation, she hadn't been able to. And the worst part of it was that it was in a public place, while they were on an undercover mission, putting Jennifer Coates at risk.

Yes, Harm leaving was perhaps the best thing. But watching him disappear into the darkness in the cab and not knowing where he was going had brought it all home for Mac. Something had to be done before they destroyed each other. As she stood in the cold December air, wrapped in darkness, she had felt alone, hurt, and empty. But the longer he was gone, the better Mac felt. She had been given the time to find herself again, not worry about what was going on between them. About a month ago, Mac had won a big case in court and was so excited when she got home, that she picked up the phone to call Harm. Halfway through dialing his number, she remembered that he was TAD and she didn't know where he was. That's when she knew. She was ready for him to come home, ready to work out whatever was between them, see where it led. She was done with the arguing, she didn't care anymore who he had slept with, she was just ready for him to come home.

And now this. It couldn't end like this. There was no way she was flying out to San Diego to go visit Harm in the hospital to watch him die. This was somebody's idea of a practical joke. Sure, Harm was right when he said, "This never was a fairytale," but that didn't mean they could never have a happy ending. They both deserved one.

Lost in her thoughts, Mac drifted to sleep, as she was thousands of feet above the earth. Stepping into Harm's hospital room, she saw him laying in the bed, pale, his lips blue, and there were tubes and machines hooked up to him, but they were all turned off. She was too late. They had only allowed her to come in to say goodbye. Tears streaming down her face, she approached him, whispering, "No, no, not like this… It was never supposed to be like this…" Grabbing his hand, she found it cold and lifeless. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. "No!" Mac said louder, waking herself.

Looking around the cabin, she noticed people looking at her. She shivered in the stuffy air of the plane and looked away, choosing instead to gaze out the window. The clouds slipped beneath the wings, obscuring her view of the land below, lulling her into a thoughtless trance.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Monday, April 5, 2004  
1813 Hours (local)

Mrs. Burnett met Mac outside the hospital. Mac had met Harm's mom once, and she recognized the woman instantly. Her son had inherited the same proud stance and strong sense of self as his mother. "Mrs. Burnett," Mac spoke as she approached the woman.

"Mac," Harm's mother responded, opening her arms to envelop Mac in a warm hug. "Please, call me Trish."

"Okay, Trish," Mac said, glad to be holding on to someone, someone that may be able to understand the storm of emotions inside her. "Have there been any changes?"

Pulling back, Trish began to lead the way inside. She took a deep breath before starting, "When they brought him in yesterday afternoon, he had already crashed once on the way in. It hasn't happened since then, but there have been no changes, either. They have him on a ventilator, giving him 100 percent oxygen, and IVs to feed him, but his stomach isn't digesting anything, and most of his internal organs are no longer working. It is like he just shut down."

"So, if they stopped the machines…" Mac began, her eyes welling once more with tears.

Trish nodded as they stepped onto the elevator, "He'd die," she finished, her voice tinged with sadness.

Mac was silent for a moment, trying to let this sink in, but she wasn't having any luck. She didn't think the idea of Harm being kept alive by machines would ever sink in. "Do they know what happened?" she asked.

Stepping off the elevator, Trish spoke, "Not exactly. They believe he was hit in the back of the head and knocked unconscious. There seems to be some damage, at the base of his brain, indicating a hit. Then he was either thrown into or fell into the water. Harm was always a good swimmer, so if he had been conscious…" she trailed off as she spotted Frank.

Frank spotted the two women, and like Trish, immediately wrapped Mac in his arms. "Mac, we're glad you're here."

Mac sniffled. Her nose was getting a little runny from all the tears. "Thank you for calling me, Mr. Burnett."

"Frank," he stated simply as he let Mac go.

"One of us has been allowed to go in and see him for fifteen minutes every hour. We haven't been in for a while, so if you want, you can go, Mac," Trish said.

Mac nodded. "You sure?"

They both nodded. "I'll walk you down," Frank said.

Mac took off after him.

"It's hard," he said. "But I think he'd like to know you're here." They walked through a set of double doors, and Frank nodded at the nurses at the station on the other side. He stopped outside a door and Mac could hear the beeping of machines, the sounds of a pump. "He's in there."

Mac nodded and stepped through the door. She had been expecting the sight to be bad, but it was worse than even her imagination could create. Harm seemed smaller in the bed, nothing like the commanding presence he normally held, his skin was pale and waxy, and his lips were tinged with blue. His arms lay stretched out beside him, tubes connected in various places. He had a heart monitor on and tubes in his nose providing oxygen. Another was running down his throat, forcing his lungs to work. Mac drew in a deep breath, suddenly finding it hard to breathe, feeling like she was the one drowning. There was no way that this could be real, that this was Harm.

But it was. It was very real and it was definitely Harm.

Mac took a seat in the chair by his bed and gripped his hand. Her chin quivered and her eyes were flooded with tears. There was no stopping them as they fell. Mac reached up and stroked Harm's forehead, whispering, "I'm here, Harm. I'm here." She sat for a long time, merely gazing at him, unsure of what to do or say. She only knew that things shouldn't be like this.

The nurse came by and indicated that Mac had to leave. She leaned over and managed to find her voice once more. "Harm, I have to go now. But I'll be right outside. I'll come back. Now you have to come back here and meet me. Please…" She walked out of the room, taking a last look at the shell of the man she knew. Out in the waiting room, Trish and Frank met her.

Trish's mothering instinct kicked in and she wrapped Mac in another hug, pulling her down into the seat next to her.

Mac's brain was running wild. She was thinking of a case she had been on about a year prior to this. An oxygen tank was contaminated and the Commander essentially suffocated when he was in his plane, 45,000 feet in the air. He had had made it, on life support, and his wife pulled the plug, killing him. At the time, Mac had no idea what she would have done if she were in that situation. Now, she pretty much was. Sure, Harm wasn't her husband, but that didn't mean she loved him any less. Now, she didn't have to make the decision, but she would be there to see it, and she knew what the outcome would be if Trish and Frank took him off life support. She sobbed into Trish's chest, letting herself melt into a puddle of salty tears.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Tuesday, April 6, 2004  
0803 Hours (local)

They had taken turns throughout the night, sitting with Harm for short periods of time. After talking to the doctor, Mac pulled herself up off the chairs that had served as a bed and went outside for a few minutes. Dialing on her cell phone, she called JAG Headquarters and was put through to the Admiral.

"Colonel, how is he?" the Admiral asked.

"He's…" Mac trailed off. "They're doubtful that he'll ever regain consciousness."

"Mac…" the Admiral didn't know what to say. He knew that her heart was breaking. "Has there been any improvement?"

Mac sniffled, fighting back the tears. "Some. He has been pulled off of 100 percent oxygen down to 30 percent. Normally, people require about 20 percent. It's better, but they still aren't hopeful. His internal organs aren't working any longer…" Mac trailed.

The Admiral just sat in stunned silence. He hadn't told his staff about Harm's accident, hoping he would pull through. Harm was just too damn stubborn to give up, but the reality was that recovery, of any sort, in cases like this, was rare.

Mac took a deep breath.

"You okay, Mac?"

"It's tough, Sir. He's not… I don't want to give up on him, but it's tough to have hope."

"I understand. Have faith. It's Harm. If anyone can make it, it'll be him," the Admiral spoke softly, trying to reassure her.

Mac smiled through her tears. "I know, Sir."

"If there is any change, call me, anytime."

"I will, Sir. Thank you," Mac said as she hung up. She took a seat on a bench and this was where Trish found her twenty minutes later, tears still falling softly.


	2. Chapter 2

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Thursday, April 8, 2004  
1623 Hours (local)

Frank was in the room, visiting Harm, leaving Trish and Mac in the waiting room. Staring down at her feet, leaning forward so that the weight of her upper body was resting on her elbows on her knees, her hands clutched a mostly full cup of cold coffee. She was exhausted; the hours waiting for any change in Harm's condition were taking a toll on her. Her body was giving out on her and she knew it, but felt powerless to stop it. Her throat felt like sandpaper, her eyes were burning from the lack of sleep, her stomach was constantly in knots so she hadn't eaten in days. All of her muscles were sore from the hours spent in a chair, only broken up by periods of pacing.

Her mind, though, was far away, ignoring the discomforts of her physical being. The memories of her time with Harm were flooding her brain, spanning the years of their friendship, from their first meeting in the White House Rose Garden to their last good-bye at his apartment in December. The cases they had worked on together, their disastrous flights, and their kisses that had been few and far between… They all brought fresh tears to her eyes, knowing her memories might be all that she would have of him. Even the pain of his betrayal the previous autumn had lost its sting. Facing the present situation, the pain that had driven them to this point seemed much less important.

"Mac?" Trish spoke from the chair next to her.

Mac was not sure how long Trish had been calling her name, whether it was the first time she had spoken or the hundredth, and her voice sounded as if Trish were a million miles away. "Hmm?" Mac answered absently, still drowning in her memories.

"What are you thinking?" she asked weakly.

Mac slowly turned her head towards Trish, trying to figure out why she was asking the question.

"It was about Harm, wasn't it?" she asked softly.

Mac nodded. "It's hard not to. He's here, but he's not."

"I know."

Mac looked away, back down at her feet. At least lost in her memories, she wasn't so focused on the here and now, but stuck more with the 'what ifs' of their past.

"Why weren't you and Harm talking?" Trish asked suddenly.

"He didn't tell you?" Mac asked, turning back to Trish, surprised.

"No," she shook her head sadly. "He told us he was out here a few weeks after his arrival. He came to visit a few times, saying he was on a temporary assignment at North Island. I was surprised he was out here, and even more so that he made the effort to visit. He always talked about you, but this time, he didn't say a word."

"How did you know we weren't speaking if he didn't say anything?" Mac asked, curious.

"I asked him about you. I wanted to know how you were, and I was curious to know why you hadn't come up in conversation."

"Things happened. We just needed some time," Mac said sadly, turning once more to her feet.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure I should tell you, Trish. It isn't pretty. And it…" Mac trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Hurts?"

Mac nodded.

"If you don't tell me, Mac, I might not ever know."

Mac thought about this. She didn't want to dredge up the past, but she didn't want to hide things from Trish, exclude her from her life, and the life of her son. Turning back to her, Mac asked, "I don't want to be rude, but why do you want to know?"

"To understand my son, why he has acted the way he has these last few months, why he came here and why he's been so closed off. I want to understand."

Mac had to respect that. Nodding her head slowly, she asked, "How much do you know?"

"Not much. He kept his mouth shut pretty tightly."

Mac sighed heavily, not really knowing where to begin. "He and I were assigned a case to work together last fall. We don't get to work together as often as we used to, much less do investigations, but the Admiral handed us this one. And Harm, he had been given mostly paperwork during the summer, rarely getting to see the inside of the courtroom, and when he did, the cases were straightforward and simple. I think the Admiral was starting to feel sorry for him, or let go of his grudge from the previous spring."

"Why would the Admiral have a grudge?" Trish interrupted.

Mac turned swiftly to look at her. "He didn't tell you anything about last spring, did he?" Mac was quickly getting the idea that Trish was kept pretty much in the dark about Harm's life.

"I knew he was out of town for a while on a couple of cases, but that's it. Did something happen?"

Mac snorted, "You could say that. I was given an assignment, a joint operation with the CIA, and I can't give you many details because they're classified. We've worked with the agent I was going with before, Webb. He needed a pregnant wife and I was chosen. I was outfitted with a pregnancy suit, given the details of the mission, and handed my plane ticket. I hadn't really had the chance to speak to Harm for a few weeks, not since he was arrested, so I-"

"Harm was arrested?!" Trish interrupted suddenly.

"Oh, God," Mac groaned, closing her eyes. "Harm didn't tell you about that either, did he?"

Shaking her head, Trish responded, "No, he didn't. What was he arrested for?"

"Murder," Mac responded quickly. "But it wasn't him. Commander Lindsey was eventually found to be responsible for Lieutenant Singer's death."

"Why would Harm be blamed for her death? He had mentioned her before in passing, how frustrating she could be, but Harm wouldn't…" she trailed off.

"No, he wouldn't, not like Loren died. But he was acting like a suspect, trying to keep NCIS away from his-" Mac stopped short, not knowing how much she should tell Trish about Harm's brother.

Trish swallowed and searched Mac's eyes. "Was he protecting Sergei?"

Mac nodded, looking away, gazing at the couple that had just entered the room.

Trish smiled weakly. "That's Harm. He'd do anything for his family, and those he cares about."

Hearing the softness of Trish's tone, Mac continued on. "He didn't want NCIS to know about Sergei because he knew that Sergei would immediately look like a suspect because he was possibly the father of Loren's child."

"She was pregnant?"

Nodding again, Mac went on, "Four months at the time of death, with a little girl. Turns out, Sergei wasn't the father. Neither was Commander Lindsey, although he thought he was and decided to kill her in order to keep his affair out of the spotlight. But Harm spent time in the brig because he was the original suspect in her murder. Shortly after he was released, I was given the assignment with the CIA. I stopped by to visit Harm before I left, just to make sure he was okay. When I showed up with the pregnancy suit on, he knew something was up. The conversation didn't last long and I left pretty quickly, not telling him much more than the country to which I was flying and who I was going with." Pausing, Mac looked down at her feet again, tears in her eyes. "He asked me not to go, but I didn't listen." She blinked back the tears, but she couldn't stop her nose from running. She sniffled.

Trish placed a soothing hand on Mac's back, rubbing it gently, and asked, "What happened next?"

"I went. During the course of the mission, things went wrong. Harm came down and he didn't only save my life and Webb's life, he saved the mission as well. But it came at a price. In order to come after me, he gave up his commission in the Navy."

Trish gasped, her hand pausing on Mac's back, "But the Navy meant everything to him! He's obviously back in…"

Mac nodded, a single tear making its way down her cheek and dropping to the pale, green linoleum floor beneath her feet. "He is. I didn't know what he had given up for me until he couldn't get home. He had lost his passport and papers and since he was no longer military, he couldn't get home. The CIA eventually paid, thanks to his wife."

"Harm is married?" Trish was now even more confused than she had ever been. "Is that why you guys quit speaking?"

Mac shook her head, her heart hurting thinking about the events that led them to where they were. "It was a fake ceremony to make a dying woman happy. By doing it, he was able to speak to someone in the CIA in hopes of finding me. Anyway, after everything he did for me, I never said thank you. I meant to, things just happened so fast. Then when we got home, he was ordered to report to the Admiral the next day, and he was given his job back. I think he was less than 24 hours away from becoming a civilian and after the way the Admiral treated him when he came back, I think the only reason Harm was allowed back was because he had saved me.

"After the adventure with the CIA, Harm was given only cases that he would not have picked, were he given a choice. He's a better lawyer than that. But the Admiral was angry with him and the investigation last fall was the first real case Harm had gotten in months. We were working with a Detective Denise West from the D.C. Police Department. She was good at what she did and we were able to solve the case. However, it all came at a price and things between Harm and I just… fell apart doesn't begin to describe it." Sighing heavily, Mac glanced back up at Trish, unsure of how to continue.

Frank walked down the hallway to join them. He took a seat beside his wife, who grabbed his hand absently, knowing there was no change.

Trish nodded to Mac, seeing the sadness in her eyes.

Glancing away again, Mac chose her words carefully. "Harm and I had quite a few arguments about recent events, Paraguay, his time in the brig, the state of our relationship. He had hurt me, but I was too chicken to just tell him why. I let it go, let things build, and when they came out, it only made things worse."

"What did my son do?" Trish asked.

Mac shook her head, saying, "I'm not sure I should be the one to tell you. I don't know how… open… the two of you have been in the past."

"Mac, he can't tell me. He may never be able to."

Nodding, Mac blinked back the tears as she said, "He and Detective West had an affair. I more or less caught them in the act."

Trish gasped, stating, "But Harm loves you. Why would he do that?"

Mac jerked her head back up. "You knew?"

"He never said it, but I knew. He talked about you all the time. He never talked about anyone quite like he talked about you, not Renee, or Jordan, or even Diane. He smiled when he said your name, his eyes always sparkled, and even over the phone, he sounded happier when he talked about you. Even when you were engaged, there was something in his voice that gave him away, and it wasn't there when he spoke about Renee."

"God, I must be the only person that didn't know," Mac said sadly, looking once more down at her feet. "We finally cleared the air about how we felt the night he left. I couldn't have stopped him, but I wish it hadn't ended like that."

Releasing Frank's hand, Trish pulled Mac into an embrace. "You couldn't have known that this would happen."

Shaking her head, Mac responded, "I know, but I still feel like I could have done something to change this. If I had called him, or asked him not to go, or if I had never caught him with Denise, would we even be here now? And like you, I want to understand. I don't know why he did it, but I think I'm finally ready to listen now. I'm tired of arguing with him, fighting whatever it is that's between us. But I'm too late," Mac finished, sniffling.

"You don't know that," Trish said, tears springing up anew in her own eyes. "We don't know."

Watching the scene, Frank rubbed his wife's back soothingly, not knowing what else to do.

"I did thank him, though, for saving my life," Mac said suddenly. "I was glad he did it at the time, but if he dies, I'm not sure it will have been worth it."

"Oh, Mac…" Trish whispered, pulling the younger woman closer, her own tears falling into Mac's dark hair.

It was Frank who spoke the words they were all thinking, "Maybe all we can do at this point is pray. If anybody can make it through this, it's Harm. He is the most obstinate person I have ever met and he will not give up so easily. We shouldn't give up on him."

"I haven't yet," Mac said softly, thinking of that long ago spring afternoon on the steps in front of JAG Headquarters. "I haven't yet."

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Saturday, April 10, 2004  
1515 Hours (local)

Two days later, Mac was sitting at Harm's bedside, once again clutching his hand. The days had been passing in a blur, filled with hours spent in the waiting room and precious few minutes by Harm's side. The doctor's words had begun to enter one ear and continue to go right out the other, nothing more than medical mumbo-jumbo. Mac had ceased to be aware of the passage of time; her internal clock had shut down. Trish and Frank had made the decision earlier to take Harm off life support on Monday if there was no further improvement, as there was still no brain activity and most of his internal organs weren't functioning.

Giant tears fell from Mac's eyes. She had never cried so much in her whole life. Sucking in her breath, Mac spoke in her best Drill Sergeant voice without yelling, hoping an order would reach him, "Commander, listen to me. You have to make an effort. Your mom and Frank," she paused before continuing, "they are going to take you off life support on Monday if you aren't doing any better. You have to try, Harm." As the words poured from her mouth, her voice sounding less and less like a Drill Sergeant, she felt separated from herself, as if she wasn't really there and that the situation couldn't be real.

There was no response. Deep down, Mac wasn't surprised. She had been losing hope with every day that passed without improvement.

Trying again, with a softer voice, "You can't do this, Harm. Not to me. We have so much to work out between us. I know we said some mean things, but you didn't have to do this to get my attention. I'm ready to listen, Harm. Talk to me." As more tears fell from her eyes, faster now, she went on, "You know, your mom called me on the fifth. AJ's fifth birthday. We still have that baby to work on. I haven't forgotten our promise and I know you won't go back on your word. That's not like you. So, you have to come back to me. I won't let people say that you were the type to go back on your word. I still want that kid, Harm. I still want you. I love you."

Mac looked down at her feet, letting her tears fall.

From the doorway, Trish cried silent tears at the sight before her. The hospital staff had relaxed the rules a little about visiting Harm, although they weren't allowed in the room constantly, the one person for fifteen minutes every hour was not being strictly adhered to, and at times, all three of them had been in the room. Mac's heart was breaking and Trish's was going right along with it, not only for her son, but also for the woman at his bedside now.

When Harm had come out to San Diego a few months ago on a temporary assignment, Trish knew something had been bothering him. He came up to La Jolla to visit them when he could get away from the base, and he had gradually opened up, as open as her son became, anyway, but he never said much about what drove him out to North Island. He spoke about events on the base, but never about events back in D.C., or Mac. When Trish asked him what was going on between him and Mac, he avoided answering questions, never saying what was at the root of the problems Trish knew they were having. And even though Harm hadn't spoken to Mac since he came west, she knew he would go back and they would find their way back to each other, whether it was as friends or something more. But looking at the sight before her now, she felt calmly certain that Harm and Mac would never get another chance.

Turning away from the heart-wrenching scene in front of her, Trish headed back to the waiting room, and her husband, seeking any comfort he could provide.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Monday, April 12, 2004  
0859 Hours (local)

It was time.

They had all been given a few minutes alone with Harm to say their goodbyes. In the previous 24 hours, Mac, Trish, and Frank had been allowed to stay in the room with him constantly in preparation for the approaching event. There had been no improvement, so the time had come to turn the life support system off.

Mac stood on one side of Harm, clutching his hand. Trish was on the other side, clutching his other hand. Frank stood by his wife, one hand resting gently on one of Harm's knees. The doctor was standing next to the life support machine, holding a clipboard. He looked over at Trish, who was only looking down at her son.

The doctor cleared his throat and spoke in a soothing tone. He hated this part of the job, but it came with saving lives, and sometimes, you had to let them go. "It won't be immediate. He will most likely die within five minutes, though, and there will be no resuscitation attempt."

"Do it," Trish said, her voice barely above a whisper, hesitating to speak and hating the words once she said them.

The doctor hit the required buttons and the machine stopped. He gently removed the tubes from Harm's throat, pulling the pump out that had been forcing his lungs to work.

Mac closed her eyes and let the tears fall. She didn't know how one body could be capable of producing so many tears without drying up. She had cried so much over the last few days, cried until her eyes hurt, but that never stopped the tears. As she stood there with her eyes closed, she sent up one final prayer for a miracle, to whoever may be listening.

The heart monitor kept beating out the rhythm of Harm's heart, the rhythm of his life. Oxygen was no longer being given, although the tubes were still connected, as were most of the tubes, though they were all shut off. Any breathing was being done by Harm's body alone.

One minute passed, then two, then five. Mac held her breath, only breathing when her lungs screamed for air. When she breathed, she would glance at Harm and the monitors, making sure her ears weren't deceiving her, making sure that he was still with them, if only for a moment. Every minute that passed seemed to be an eternity to Mac.

After ten minutes, Trish spoke, her voice shaky. "Is this normal?"

"It's common," the doctor answered. "Many patients do continue to breathe for several minutes after being removed from life support. However, it does not tend to last long as the body tires quickly."

Suddenly hopeful, Mac opened her eyes, bloodshot and tear-filled, and looked at the doctor. "But, it does sometimes last longer?"

The doctor nodded. "There have been cases where patients have lived for years after being taken off life support."

Hope flickered in Mac's eyes. "Have these people ever recovered?"

The doctor saw the flicker of life in Mac's eyes and he was saddened. Miracles like that were truly rare. "A few. Of those that have, the majority suffered permanent brain damage. But for most people who live beyond the life support, the quality of life is not good."

"But there is still hope?" Trish asked, hope growing in her eyes as well. She felt guilty for giving up on her son like this, but the chances of any recovery were slim.

The doctor nodded. "I'll be honest. The chances of him recovering are nearly nothing."

They fell silent again as they watched Harm. He was breathing on his own, but the question was, how long would it last? For now, none of them knew the answer. They could only pray, and hope.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Monday, April 12, 2004  
2003 Hours (local)

Harm was still breathing. They had started the IVs again after a few hours. If he were going to continue breathing, they would continue to feed him. Frank, Trish, and Mac had not left Harm's side in hours. The doctor had left hours earlier, but he was to be paged if there was any change in condition. If Harm was still alive in the morning, they would take him for more EEGs, MRIs, and CAT scans. If he continued to survive after a few days, proper arrangements would be made.

Mac had fallen asleep clutching Harm's hand, her head resting on his bed. In her dream, she and Harm were living in a house along the ocean; the sky was always the same shade of gray as the seawater. Harm was exactly like he was now, still in bed, his features frozen forever, only continuing to breathe. Mac had grown older, dedicated her life to taking care of him. And it was like this that they would remain forever. Suddenly, Mac jerked awake, a scream of "No!" on her lips.

Sitting up, she looked around the room, glad to realize that it was only a dream. She didn't want to lose Harm, but she didn't want a life like that for him, for either of them. Didn't they deserve to live their lives? Didn't they deserve to be happy?

"You okay?" Trish asked, looking over the bed at Mac.

Mac nodded. "It was just a dream."

"A bad one?"

Mac nodded again, blinking away a few tears that were threatening to fall. She stood up from the chair and stretched. The room suddenly seemed too confining, constricting, smothering the life out of her and she had to get out of there. Grabbing her purse, she said to Trish and Frank, "I'll be back in a few minutes. I just need some fresh air."

"Go," Frank insisted. "We'll find you if anything happens."

Mac left the room quickly. It took all of her self-control to not run down the hallway. Fighting the tears that blurred her vision, she took the stairs instead of the elevator, moving faster with every step. Once outside the hospital doors, she took a few deep breaths. She wished she were anywhere but there. And she wished that she hadn't answered the phone last Monday, that she had just gone peacefully about her life, ignorant of Harm's situation. She wished he had never left for his TAD assignment, that she had done whatever she could have to stop him from climbing into that cab. She wished that she and Harm hadn't ended things on such a bad note, that they hadn't said some of what had been said. But mostly, she just wished that this had never happened at all.

Mac walked slowly away from the hospital, watching cars as they came and went, ambulances as they pulled up to the emergency room doors and deposited their charges. Mac watched a young man drive up in a car and pull a woman out. She was in labor and the man was probably her husband. Mac would have given anything to be that woman, Harm by her side.

Finally, Mac just found a quiet spot on the far side of the hospital. Sinking down to the curb, ignoring the cigarette butts and dirt stains, Mac sat and just let the tears fall. When she was done, when her eyes were dry and there was nothing left inside to cry, nothing left to feel, she just watched the world around her, passing her by. After a long while, she rose unsteadily to her feet and returned to Harm's side.


	3. Chapter 3

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Friday, April 16, 2004  
1646 Hours (local)

The doctors could not declare Harm to be brain dead. He did not clinically meet the definition. The EEG readings still showed some electrical activity, there was still blood flow to the brain, and even though there was no response to stimuli, Harm was continuing to breathe on his own. For the time being, Harm was considered to be in a coma, though it was unlikely he would ever regain consciousness.

Dr. Samson entered the room to check on Harm's condition. He did all of the normal tests, checking for responses from Harm. It was when he was checking the dilation of Harm's pupils that he said anything. Mac, Trish, and Frank had gotten used to the comings and goings of the hospital personnel and rarely paid attention to their presence. When they asked if anything had changed, the response they always got was, "Nothing." They had finally quit asking.

"Interesting."

Mac looked up from her book, her eyes alive with hope. "What is it?"

"His pupils. They are responding to the light."

"That's good, isn't it?" Trish asked.

Dr. Samson nodded. "It is. It's a very simple reflexive response, but it shows brain activity." Dr. Samson looked down and made a few notes on the chart. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'd like to take him, run a few tests, see what's going on inside that head of his." He quickly left the room.

Across the bed, Mac met Trish's gaze. They were both infused with a sense of hope that had long since disappeared. Mac broke the gaze and looked down at Harm. "He's in there," she whispered.

Trish leaned low and spoke to Harm, "That's it, son, keep it up. Come back to us."

Frank had risen from his chair and approached Trish. He, too, had tears in his eyes, like Trish and Mac. "He's fighting."

Mac leaned over and kissed Harm's forehead. "Come back to me, to us, Harm. We're waiting."

A few minutes later, Dr. Samson returned with a few nurses and they wheeled Harm away for a few tests. Mac stepped out of the hospital and called the Admiral on her cell phone.

"Colonel, has there been any news?" he asked immediately.

"Yes, Sir," Mac responded, happier now than she had been since Trish had called her almost two weeks earlier. "They are running more tests on him, EEGs and MRIs. He showed a response to the dilation test."

The Admiral let out a huge sigh of relief. "So, he's doing better?"

"It's something. They may never get more out of him, but he's fighting. He may…" Mac began. Pacing back and forth in front of the hospital, she hated to get her hopes up, but she couldn't help herself, "he just may make some recovery."

"That's good to hear, Mac," the Admiral said, at a loss for words. Mac was not able to see the tears in the older man's eyes. "If anybody can do it, Harm can."

"I know, Sir."

"Colonel?" the Admiral asked. He hated to bring the topic up in the wake of the good news, but he was going to call Mac anyway.

"Sir?"

"The SecNav called me today. He wanted to know where you were."

"Am I in trouble, Admiral?"

"No. I've been taking this out of your leave time. The SecNav disapproved of my giving you the leave, even when he knew the situation. He demanded that I get you back here, immediately."

"I won't come, Sir," Mac stated calmly without thinking.

"I told him you wouldn't. I told him you had threatened to resign if I didn't let you go."

"Is he mad?"

"He is. I told him that if I ordered you back, you would either refuse and face charges or resign. I've been told to order you home anyway."

"Then I'll type up my resignation and fax it to you. You'll have it by the morning."

"And I won't accept it."

"Sir?"

"I'll continue taking from your leave time. If that runs out, we'll figure something out."

"What about the SecNav, Sir? I don't want you to-"

The Admiral cut her off. "I can't afford to lose another good lawyer. We've been feeling Harm's absence since he was assigned TAD. I refuse to let another good officer go."

"Thank you, Sir," Mac said, genuinely touched by the Admiral's defense of her. "If it becomes a problem…" she trailed off.

"Don't worry about it. You just take care of Harm. Bring him home, Colonel."

"Yes, Sir," Mac responded.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Friday, April 16, 2004  
1956 Hours (local)

Dr. Samson entered Harm's hospital room with a stack of papers in his hands. "Good news," he said quickly.

Instantly, three sets of eyes were on him, waiting expectantly.

"The EEG shows an increase in the electrical activity of his brain. It is nowhere near the pattern of a normally functioning brain, but at this point, an increase is a positive sign."

Mac looked away and glanced to Harm, a small smile on her lips.

"We ran through the reflexive tests as we scanned his brain. His pupils continued to respond to light, he showed corneal reflexes with the cotton swab, and there was a response to the caloric testing in his ears. There were definite signs of activity in the brain with all of these tests. However, there was no gag or cough reflex, but the brain did respond. This is all a very positive sign."

Trish spoke, her voice weak, but filled with hope, "So, there's a chance he'll regain consciousness?"

"He might. The more brain activity he shows, the more likely he is to regain consciousness. However, I can't say for certain that he will."

"But he might?" Mac repeated, also hopeful.

The doctor nodded. "I don't want you to get your hopes up. He may not come back. It could still go either way. And the longer he is unconscious, the less likely it is that he will regain consciousness," he warned.

"Thank you," Frank said.

"We'll continue to monitor him and look for changes. All we can really do at this point is hope and pray," Dr. Samson concluded as he turned to go.

"Believe me, we are," Frank said as the doctor left.

Mac reached up from her chair and clutched Harm's hand, fresh tears falling freely. Kissing the back of his hand, she said to him, "I know you're there. And I know you can do this, you just have to try. You're doing good so far, but you know it isn't enough, Harm. Come back to us."

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Tuesday, April 20, 2004  
1527 Hours (local)

Mac was reading a romance novel while she sat by Harm's bed. Having picked it up from the hospital's limited selection at the gift shop, it helped to pass the hours. She wasn't really into the book, as everything seemed too coincidental and everything worked out in ways that wouldn't happen in real life, at least not in her life. Even the sex scenes seemed to far-fetched to be realistic. Mac had never experienced anything quite like the book describe. Then again, Mac realized, maybe the escape from reality was the appeal of such books.

"He was in D.C. over Christmas," Trish said suddenly.

Startled, Mac shifted position in her chair as she looked in Trish's direction, her eyes passing over Harm as her gaze moved. "I'm sorry?"

"He called a few days before Christmas, said he was in the area but had to go home for Christmas, although he'd be back before New Year's," Trish stated simply.

Puzzled, Mac asked, "You didn't speak to him until Christmas?"

"No," Trish responded, shaking her head. "He left town on the twenty-third and flew home the day after Christmas. He spent New Year's with us."

Glancing down at her lap, Mac said sadly, "I didn't know." Looking back up at Trish, she said, "He must have gone to the Wall."

"That's what I figured."

Mac watched the older woman for a moment, wondering what was going through her head. The investigator in her could not help asking, "What brought this on?"

"Just thinking," Trish sighed. "Remembering all the good things about him. He's a lot like his father."

"How's that?" Mac asked. She had only ever heard about Harm Senior from Harm and was curious to hear another perspective.

Gazing down at her son, a weak smile on her face, Trish answered, "Besides their obvious love of flying and their dedication to our country, they are both determined and strong-willed. If they see something they want, neither one has ever been afraid to go after it."

Mac snorted at this. In most cases, Mac was inclined to agree with Trish, but when it came down to his feelings for her, he never said a word, not until the end.

For an instant, Trish's grin widened, knowing what Mac was thinking. "The word stubborn could describe both of them. Harm and his father both care deeply for people close to them and will do anything to protect them, no matter what the cost. But getting that close is a battle that is not easily won. To truly get close, to gain the heart of either of them, is a genuine success."

Looking at Harm, Mac knew exactly what Trish was saying. Mac knew that she didn't know everything about Harm, she hadn't scaled all of his walls, but she was closer to him than anybody else. Knowing that Trish knew just how hard it was for her son to let anyone in was enough to make Mac feel blessed. In some way, Mac felt honored because she had, at one time, been so close to Harm and he had allowed her into his heart.

Following Mac's gaze, Trish also looked at Harm. "He missed you. He never said it, but I know that he did. He just wasn't the same without you in his life."

"I missed him," Mac said softly. "He was right to leave, but that doesn't mean I didn't miss him."

Trish's voice was just as soft as Mac's had been as she said, "I think he knows that."

"I hope so," Mac whispered.

Long minutes passed and the only sounds in the room were the constant beeping of Harm's heart monitor and the ticking of the clock. In time, Trish turned back to her magazine and Mac turned back to her book, losing herself in the romance of two characters brought to life by one person's imagination.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Saturday, April 24, 2004  
1835 Hours (local)

For the time being, Mac was alone with Harm. Trish and Frank had departed for the cafeteria some time ago, allowing Mac a few private moments. She had a flight back to D.C. in the morning and Mac didn't want to go, but her leave time was up and the Admiral ordered her home. He had apologized even as he gave the order, and Mac knew he was sorry, but she also knew she had to go. She would be back as soon as she could manage it.

She hated to leave Harm. He had come so far since she had arrived three weeks earlier. Mac didn't know how so much time had passed, how it had slipped away from her, as the days both crawled and flew by, and her internal clock had failed her completely. Trust Harm to be the one to make her lose track of time. In the last week, Harm's internal organs began working. Because his kidneys and liver had remained shut down for so long, he had sustained some damage, but for the moment, the doctors weren't concerned. Shortly after his liver and kidneys resumed functioning, his stomach began working again as well. And on the previous afternoon, there had been a reflexive muscle twitch in response to touch in his feet.

The doctor had explained it to them that sometimes when the body went through a very traumatic event, the result was a coma, in which the body just shut down in order to recover. This appeared to be the case with Harm.

Mac had been willing to face charges or resign her commission, but the Admiral refused. He had convinced her to come home, if only for a few days. If she wanted to return, he would see what he could do. Mac had reluctantly agreed to return home.

So now Mac was alone with Harm, his mom and Frank having given her a chance to say goodbye. Not knowing what to say to him, she began to babble. "You remember that night a few months ago when you came by my apartment? We said a lot of hurtful things to each other. Well, I think you said more than I did, but I can't blame you. I deserved it. But that night, I think there were things you wanted to know and I couldn't tell you. I don't know why. Fear, I guess. Pride, maybe. And you kept asking me questions, looking for the answers. But you didn't ask the right questions.

"You asked me if I would have cheated on Mic. I said that I wouldn't have, and I meant it. I would not have betrayed my vows. But had you asked me to, I would have left him. I would have come to you, all you had to do was say something. But I get it now, why you couldn't ask me that, and I had no right to try and force you. I had no right to use Mic to make you jealous, to try and force you to open your eyes. I just wanted to apologize for that." Mac squeezed his hand with one of hers while she wiped tears away from her eyes with the other.

"And do you remember the last time we were on the Admiral's porch, at his engagement party? I really enjoyed that, just spending time with you, talking to you, getting to know you again. I did learn something new about you that night. I honestly didn't know that you…" pausing, she blushed, even though nobody was around to see her, "I didn't know that you basically fantasized about me. At least that one time." Mac smiled softly to herself, "It was good for the ego," she admitted. "I did, too, fantasized about you. Still do."

Mac was silent again, squeezing Harm's hand. "I'd like to try, Harm, try for us. I'm ready now. I'm ready to listen to you, ready to work through everything that is behind us and lies between us still, and work toward everything that could be in our future. I'd give anything to have that opportunity. But it isn't up to me, it's up to you, but I'm here, waiting for you."

Mac sighed heavily before she went on. "I don't want to leave you, you know that, right? But it isn't up to me. The Admiral ordered me to come home. The SecNav is about to have his head served to him on a silver platter for breakfast. But I'll come back as soon as I can. When you come back, I'll come. I'll come for you. Your mom is still here, and Frank. They're good people. I know you haven't always been close to them, but you're lucky to have them, and they're lucky to have you. They've been great to me while I've been here. I wanted you to know that.

"I'm leaving in the morning, going back to D.C. I'll be calling to check on you. Your mom has promised to keep me updated. And I'll be thinking about you all the time. I probably won't get much work done. The SecNav will be pleading with the Admiral to send me back.

"You have to come back to us. We all miss you. We're all missing you and praying for you. You can do it. I have faith in you. I love you, Harm," Mac finished, her final words no more than a whisper. And she sat, her hand clutching his, their fingers entwined.

It was several minutes later when she felt it. At first, she thought it must have been her imagination. It had to be. Her eyes wide with hope and disbelief, she looked at Harm. "Harm?" she asked. Of course, there was no response. Looking down at their entwined hands, Mac smiled grimly. "I know, it was just my imagination. Just my mind trying to keep my hopes up. It's tough, Harm, but I'm trying, so you had better be trying, too."

And there it was again, and this time, Mac was sure it wasn't her imagination. She felt it and saw it. Harm squeezed her hand.

"Harm?" Mac asked, daring to hope. "Can you hear me?" It was silly, she knew, there was no way he could hear her, but she wanted to believe that he knew she was there. "Harm?" she repeated.

And for a long moment, there was nothing. But then, he squeezed again, this time holding it. Using her free hand, Mac hit the nurse-call button. She hit the button repeatedly, urging the nurse to hurry, even though she knew it wouldn't do any good.

A moment later, the nurse strolled lazily in. "Yeah?" she asked, not meeting Mac's eye.

"Get Dr. Samson in here, now!" she ordered.

The nurse, Shelly, looked over the monitors and said, "Why? Everything looks normal."

"He squeezed my hand!" Mac said firmly.

"You sure?" she asked doubtfully. She knew recoveries from this type of situation were rare. She had been in and out of the room numerous times over the weeks since Harm had been admitted and she couldn't understand why these people held out such hope.

"Yes!" Mac yelled. "Go get Dr. Samson!"

Shelly turned and walked off, every bit as slowly as she had entered.

"Now!" Mac screamed after her. She looked back down at Harm. His grip had relaxed while Mac had been trying to get Shelly to understand the situation. Mac squeezed his hand and said to him in a calmer tone of voice, "The doctor is coming, Harm. I know you're in there." She leaned over and kissed he back of his hand. "Just keep trying."

A minute later, the muscles in his hand squeezed Mac's fingers together once more.

Mac heard the page calling Dr. Samson to the room. Two minutes later, Trish and Frank came bolting into the room, Trish immediately asking, "Is he okay? What's wrong?" Trish stopped short when she saw the smile on Mac's face.

"He squeezed my hand."

"You sure?" Frank asked from behind Trish.

"He did it several times."

Dr. Samson rushed into the room just after Mac finished speaking. "What seems to be the problem?"

"He squeezed my hand. Several times," Mac repeated.

Dr. Samson walked over to Harm and ran the series of reflexive tests, checking the movement of his feet, the dilation of his eyes, and this time, Harm exhibited the gag reflex. Grinning broadly and for the first time feeling genuine hope for his patient, he turned to the three of them, "He is definitely showing signs of improvement. When he squeezed your hand, had you been speaking to him?" he asked Mac.

"I had been, but then I stopped. A few minutes later, I felt it the first time. Then I started speaking to him and he seemed to respond by squeezing my hand."

The doctor nodded as Mac spoke. "Talk to him again."

Mac did as he instructed, Dr. Samson keeping a close eye on his hand where it met with Mac's as she spoke. "Harm? Can you do it again, squeeze my hand? The doctor wants to see it. And I'd like to feel it again. I know you're probably tired, but please, just one more time, Harm."

Four pairs of eyes watched for any sign of movement and after a moment, they were rewarded. Harm squeezed Mac's hand.

Trish squealed and practically threw herself into Frank's arms. He could only hug her close, his own heart nearly bursting with joy. Mac cried tears of happiness as she squeezed Harm's hand back.

The doctor spoke, "This is a very positive sign. He may never do much more than this, I must warn you, but he keeps making great strides forward. We'll watch him through the night and run some more tests in the morning."

After the doctor left, Trish took a seat next to her son, holding his other hand, Frank in a chair nearby, his hand on his wife's knee. And the three of them kept a hopeful vigil by Harm's bedside throughout the night.


	4. Chapter 4

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Sunday, April 25, 2004  
0704 Hours (local)

Mac kept glancing at the clock on the wall, counting down the minutes. Frank was going to drive her back to the airport in less than half an hour. They had stayed with Harm all night and he would periodically squeeze her hand or his mother's. The more he worked at it, the more Mac wanted to stay. She hated to leave him after he had come so far, but she had no choice. Squeezing his hand, she blinked back the fresh round of tears that were threatening to fall. She just didn't want to go.

Harm squeezed her hand once more, as if he understood her thoughts. She glanced at him and then at Trish, sitting on the opposite side of the bed, wearing a soft smile.

"I like it when he does that," she said softly. "It gives me hope. It makes me think that he might make it."

"I know," Mac said, her voice every bit as soft as Trish's.

"I'm sorry you have to go," Trish admitted. "It just doesn't seem right."

"I have to. The Admiral won't accept my resignation, and honestly, I know he can't afford to lose another lawyer right now. The SecNav is breathing down his neck about my taking the leave time, even though he knows why. I just have to go."

"I know, dear," Trish responded. "You don't have to explain it to me."

"I feel like I should explain it to him," Mac responded, glancing down at Harm.

"I think he knows," Trish said, also glancing down at her son. She squeezed his hand and a few brief moments later, received a squeeze in return.

Mac continued to gaze down at Harm, wishing she didn't have to go. For a long time, the room was silent except for the ticking of the clock, the beeping of the machines connected to Harm, and his breathing. Glancing at her watch, hoping for a different answer than the clock on the wall was giving her, Mac knew she had only five minutes before she and Frank had to leave for the airport. She sighed heavily and once again blinked back the tears.

He squeezed her hand and once more, Mac looked up and met Trish's gaze.

Frank's hoarse voice reached them from over Trish's shoulder. "Oh my God."

Glancing down at Harm, fearing the worst, Mac was shocked by the sight before her. Harm's brilliant seawater-green eyes were open. "Oh my God," she whispered, feeling at a total loss for words. Without thinking, she reached out and hit the nurse-call button.

"Harm," Trish whispered.

Harm moved his eyes back and forth, panic clearly visible in the stormy depths. He was swallowing repeatedly, the muscles in his mouth working desperately to speak.

"Shh…" Mac said calmly. "Just wait. Don't try to say anything."

A nurse rushed into the room, her attitude much more pleasant than Shelly's had been the previous evening. "Can I-" she stopped herself short as she saw the whites of Harm's eyes and his increasing heart rate. "Oh!" She raced out of the room, calling for Dr. Tulane, the doctor who worked with Harm when Dr. Samson wasn't on duty.

"Shh…" Trish repeated. "It's okay, Harm. Just calm down. It'll be okay," she said in a soothing tone of voice.

A moment later, Dr. Tulane rushed into the room. Seeing that Harm was awake, she took quick note of his vitals and started talking to him. "Don't try and talk. We still have tubes running down your throat and you will only hurt yourself it you try. Just calm down. We'll take the tubes out in a little while, but we will want to run some tests, run a few brain scans."

Harm's heart rate began to slow as the people around him spoke, their words making sense, easing his fear and confusion.

Mac squeezed his hand, tears running freely down her cheeks.

Dr. Tulane spoke to the three of them, "I'm taking him immediately to run some scans. I'll get Dr. Samson in here as soon as possible. We'll run some tests and see what is going on. It will take a while."

The three of them nodded, knowing exactly what this meant: they would have to leave him while he was taken from them. They would be forced to sit in the waiting room, waiting for information, instead of being with him.

Trish looked down at her son and said to him, giving his hand a squeeze, "We'll be here when you get back. I promise."

Mac brushed a kiss onto the back of his hand. "I'm not leaving you now. If you wanted to make me stay, you succeeded. I'll be here when you get back."

Dr. Tulane ushered them out of the room and she prepared to take Harm down for tests.

All thoughts of leaving had fled from Mac's mind. She couldn't leave him now. In the waiting room, the three of them took a seat, leaning on each other for support. Mac was amazed at his awakening, knowing the odds had been against him since the beginning. Knowing full well that he probably wasn't out of the woods yet, hope still flared in Mac's heart, just knowing that he had returned to consciousness. He might one day be able to return to his life, to her, and the life they had both wanted to have.

Some time later, Frank rose to his feet and stretched. "I'm going to go get some coffee. Do you want any?" he offered.

Both Trish and Mac nodded, continuing to lean on each other. When Frank was gone, Mac asked hesitantly, "Do you think he'll make it?"

"He's a fighter. So was his father. He's made it this far and if anybody can make it, Harm can."

Mac nodded, her head resting against Trish's shoulder.

Frank returned a few minutes later with three cups of coffee.

Mac sipped at the liquid, hardly tasting it as it rolled over her tongue. She glanced up at the clock on the wall, her own internal clock still on vacation. Harm's awakening hadn't revived it. She smiled weakly as she said, "I don't guess I'm going to make my flight."

Glancing up at the clock as well, Frank said, "I guess not."

Mac rose to her feet, grabbing her purse and pulling it over her shoulder. "I'm going to go call the Admiral and try and straighten things out. Then I'll call the airline and…" she trailed off. She had no idea what she was going to do.

Trish nodded as Frank said, "Go. We'll find you if we hear of anything."

Mac turned quickly and left. Once she was standing in front of the hospital, she called the Admiral's home.

He answered the phone quickly. "Chegwidden."

"Admiral?" Mac spoke hesitantly.

"Colonel? Is everything all right?" Thus far, she had not called him at home, only at the office. And hearing from her now, his heart was in his throat and his stomach was rolling, fearing the worst had happened.

"Admiral, I'm not going to be there tomorrow," she stated calmly.

"Mac, is he okay? Are _you_ okay?"

"He woke up."

"He woke up?" he asked, incredulous.

"Just a little while ago. He started squeezing my hand last night and the doctor could make him gag and this morning, he just opened his eyes and woke up."

"Oh my God," the Admiral couldn't believe it.

"They're running tests now, so we should know more later."

"That's amazing," he said as he took a seat on his couch. Meredith was observing this from her spot in a nearby chair where she had been reading papers from her students. All the color had drained from his face. "You will call me when you get results. That is an order."

"Aye, aye, Sir," Mac responded automatically. "But I won't be in tomorrow."

"Of course not," the Admiral responded. He had heard her the first time and he wasn't surprised, given Harm's recent improvement.

"What will we do?"

"I still won't accept you resignation, so don't even try it."

"I don't have anymore leave time…" she trailed off.

"I won't list you as UA. And I will do what I can about keeping the SecNav off my back and away from you. But Colonel," he began seriously, "I can't do this for more than a few days."

"I know, Sir. I can't leave him now, though."

"We'll figure it out. Just call me when you get the results."

"Aye, aye, Sir. And thank you."

When they hung up, Mac called the airline and arranged for a flight on Tuesday. She rushed back into the hospital to take her seat next to Trish and Frank and wait for word on Harm.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Sunday, April 25, 2004  
1234 Hours (local)

Dr. Samson found them after he got Harm settled in his bed. The trio that had stood vigil over him immediately rose to their feet as he approached.

"Is he okay?" Trish asked.

At the same time, Mac asked, "Can we see him?"

The doctor held up his hand. "One at a time. I'll let you go in to see him in a few minutes. He is sleeping though. Let him rest, he needs it. Harm appears to have some damage to the cerebellum at the base of his brain. This is consistent with the external injuries when he arrived, leading us to believe that he sustained a blow to the head. Any damage caused by hypoxia appears to be separate from that. It appears that his medulla just above his spinal cord has also acquired some damage, most likely from the lack of oxygen while he was in the water. Blood appears to be flowing to all parts of his brain, which is a very positive sign."

"What does all of this mean? Is any of this damage permanent?" Frank asked.

"We don't know at this point in time. There is still a chance that he could slip back into a coma. The damage to the medulla could account for Harm's inability to breathe on his own after he was pulled from the water. And we will probably never know why he started breathing on his own when he did. However, the medulla seems to be recovering, as many of his autonomic functions have returned to him. We don't know at this point.

"As for the damage to the cerebellum, likewise, we don't know if the damage is permanent. In many cases, with a hard enough hit, it is. We will certainly work with him more and run additional tests when he recovers some strength to try and determine the extent of the damage. What we do know at this point is that the damage appears to be minimal. Patients with permanent damage to the extent Harm currently has usually live fairly normal lives. They may have some problems with coordination and activities such as driving, but some don't have many problems at all. The brain is an amazing organ and with certain injuries, it finds ways of compensating."

"Were you able to talk to him?" Mac asked.

"We did remove the tubes from his throat, which is very raw and he can't really speak at this time. He tried but we had to keep telling him to be quiet. We were able to ask him some questions and he was able to move in order to respond with simple nods and shakes of his head."

"Do you know what happened?" Mac pressed.

"We asked him if he remembered what happened, how he ended up here, and he shook his head no. This is not unusual, some level of localized amnesia. We asked him if he recognized who had been with him in his room and he nodded in the affirmative. With his limited means of communication at the moment, we can't gain much information from him. However, with improvements, we will be able to further assess his situation by running additional tests."

"Is the amnesia permanent?" Trish asked.

"It can be. We don't know. Some people do regain their memory and some don't. And at this point it could be that Harm has selective amnesia, in which he remembers most of what happened but not all the details, or localized, in which he remembers nothing from a certain point. But because he knew who you were, we find it unlikely that there is a more serious form of amnesia. He probably does have some form of both anterograde and retrograde amnesia, probably due to the lack of oxygen to the hippocampus while he was under water, and while it appears to be minimal under the circumstances, at this time, we just don't know for certain."

"Can we see him now?" Mac asked again.

Dr. Samson nodded. "Just let him sleep. And when he awakens, call a nurse. Don't push him to talk and try and keep him quiet," he said as he led them down the hall.

Entering the room, Harm was lying on his back, his head turned to the side, one arm stretched out beside him and the other hand was on his chest. His deep breathing indicated that he was indeed asleep and not in a coma, although he didn't look much different. A faint smile touched Mac's lips. Just the sound of his breathing made him seem more alive.

"Thank you, doctor," Frank said as Dr. Samson turned to leave.

"I'll return in a little while just to check on him. If something happens, one of the nurses will page me."

The three of them nodded, none of them really wanting to remove their eyes from Harm.

After a few minutes, Mac stepped back outside to phone the Admiral and let him know of the results of the test.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Sunday, April 25, 2004  
2142 Hours (local)

Harm was stirring. Mac glanced up from her perch in a chair beside his bed. Over the bed, she met Trish's gaze. Had they looked, they would have seen Frank looking over at Harm as well. When his eyes opened, it was his mother that he was looking at.

At first his eyes expressed only confusion, but when Trish spoke, they cleared with recognition. "Harm…"

For a moment, all Harm could do was look. He turned his head and met Frank's eyes. He turned still further and saw Mac. Blinking his eyes a few times, an expression of surprise could be seen. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Mac hit the nurse-call button and within seconds, a nurse, Gabrielle, entered the room. Seeing Harm awake, she nodded and quickly left, only to return moments later with a cup of ice chips. She handed this to Mac. Mac gently fed him a few pieces with a spoon. Gabrielle was watching over Mac's shoulder with a smile on her face. She had been hoping this patient would recover.

With a few ice chips down, Harm managed to squeak out some sound, something resembling "Mac."

"You're not supposed to talk," Mac said gently. "But I'm here. I had to come." At the questioning look in Harm's eyes, Mac's own eyes welled with tears. "We'll fix it, I promise. We'll get past… everything. We'll find a way. But you have to get past this, first. Don't worry about what happened at home."

There appeared to be brief flicker of recognition before Harm closed his eyes.

"That's it, go to sleep. You need your rest. We'll all be here when you wake up," Mac reassured him. Within moments, Harm's breathing deepened and he visibly relaxed, very much asleep.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Tuesday, April 27, 2004  
1841 Hours (local)

Harm had awakened a few times over the last two days and even managed to say a few things, as he swallowed more ice chips and his throat gradually healed. Not much had been said, as Trish, Frank, and Mac all tried to keep him quiet, although they were all relieved to see him pushing the boundaries like his old self. He had spent a great deal of time sleeping, and the doctors had assured them it was completely normal.

Frank would be driving Mac to the airport shortly for her red-eye flight back to Washington, D.C. She was due in at BWI around 0930 and the Admiral told her he would have someone there to pick her up and get her back to JAG. Once again, Trish and Frank had disappeared for a while, leaving Mac alone with Harm. He had been asleep for a long while, but he was just stirring to life.

"Mac," he whispered.

Mac squeezed his hand. "I have to go home, Harm."

"Why?" he croaked.

"The Admiral is making me," she responded, smiling weakly. "He wouldn't take my resignation. He hasn't filed me UA, yet, but I ran out of leave a few days ago. The SecNav is breathing down his neck about my absence."

Harm nodded, understanding her.

"I don't want to go, though. I'd rather stay here."

Harm shook his head slightly. "Go home."

Looking into his eyes, Mac knew he didn't mean it in a hurtful manner. "I'll come back as soon as I can."

Harm's mouth formed a small smile. "I know."

"You shouldn't be talking," Mac reminded him, laughing softly.

Harm's smile faded as he averted his eyes.

"And when you're better, we'll discuss everything, straighten it all out. Until then, you just concentrate on getting better."

"Yes, mom," Harm said weakly, returning his gaze to Mac.

"I'll miss you," Mac said, wiping a tear from her eye.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, squeezing her hand.

Mac lowered her head to his chest, feeling him breathe and listening to his heartbeat, just glad to have him back, alive.

xxxxx

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia  
Wednesday, April 28, 2004  
1738 Hours (local)

"Colonel," the Admiral called as he stood in her doorway.

"Sir!" Mac replied quickly, jumping to her feet.

"As you were," the Admiral said with a grin.

Mac sat back down gratefully, stifling a yawn.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked softly.

"Making up hours, Sir. I have two days plus a few hours from this morning to make up."

"There will be other days, Colonel. You are no good to us if you are dead on your feet, as you appear to be."

Mac smiled weakly. It was true; she was exhausted. Even though she had slept on the plane and in the car while Harriet drove to JAG, it wasn't a very restful sleep. Sleeping on planes and in cars never was the best place to sleep. Not to mention that she hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks, not since Harm's accident. "I just wanted to get a head start, Admiral."

"Go home. That's an order," he said.

Mac nodded. "Sir?"

The Admiral raised his eyebrows. "Colonel?"

"Thank you, for everything."

"Have you heard from them today?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Yes, Sir. He's awake more every day, and they hope to run some simple tests to check for brain damage at the end of the week."

"Good," the Admiral said, nodding. "Glad to hear it." Glancing over his shoulder, he called, "Lieutenant."

"Sir?" Harriet said, stepping up to his side.

"Are you ready to head home for the day?"

"I was just finishing up."

The Admiral nodded, turned to Mac, and spoke, "The Lieutenant has agreed to take you home," he smiled.

"If you don't mind stopping by the daycare center to pick the boys up first, Ma'am," Harriet added with a smile.

"Not at all, Lieutenant."

The Admiral stepped away, saying, "Have a good evening, Colonel, Lieutenant."

"You, too, Sir," Harriet called after him.

Mac looked around at the papers and books on her desk. "Let me just straighten up and I'll be set, Harriet."

Harriet nodded. "I just have to fax this out and I'll be ready to leave. I'll come back when I'm done, Ma'am," Harriet responded with a smile.

Mac nodded, yawning again.

Harriet turned and left as Mac continued cleaning up.

On the trip to the daycare center, Mac filled Harriet in on the latest news about Harm. Now that he was conscious again, cards were circulating around the office, being signed, and flowers had been ordered. Mac was planning on getting a card and sending it to him, just to let him know she was thinking of him, but she wanted to be more than semi-conscious when she did it.

After picking up the boys, Harriet pulled up to the drive-thru window at a Beltway Burgers on her way into the city.

"Harriet, what are you doing?" Mac asked.

"Getting you some dinner, Ma'am. I know you love this stuff, and I normally wouldn't recommend eating it, but I think you could use the comfort food. Plus, it's quick and easy. You can eat it and go to bed."

Mac laughed lightly. "Thanks." She leaned over and pulled a few bills out of her purse and handed them to Harriet.

Harriet shook her head. "It's taken care of," she smiled. "All you have to do is tell me what me you want. And eat it, of course."

Mac gave Harriet her order as she put the bills away. After getting the food, she turned to Harriet, she said, "The Admiral put you up to this, didn't he?"

Harriet giggled. "Yes, Ma'am. He ordered me to take you home and feed you. He even gave me the money so I could stop on the way."

Mac sighed and shook her head. Sometimes, the Admiral felt more like a father than a CO. This was definitely one of those times, and she was grateful for it.

"He also told me to tell you that at home, all you were to do was get some sleep. Don't clean up, do laundry, or any work, just go to bed."

"He doesn't have to worry about that," Mac said, yawning.

From the back seat, AJ spoke, "Don't we get any food, mommy?"

"Mommy's going to make you dinner at home, sweetie," Harriet responded, smiling, glancing up in the rear view mirror to check on her boys. "I know you are hungry and we're running late, so how about something yummy like macaroni and cheese?"

"Yeah!" AJ cheered from the backseat.

"That was easy," Mac commented.

"Oh, there will be some green beans with that, but the mac and cheese makes him happy. And Jimmy is easy."

"I don't know how you do it, Harriet," Mac said sadly. "You have it all. And even if I had it, I don't think I could handle it as well as you do."

"Sometimes, I wonder how I do it all myself. It isn't always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. And someday, Ma'am, you'll figure it all out."

Looking down at her lap, Mac smiled sadly. "I keep hoping, but my life keeps getting turned upside-down. It's nothing like I thought it would be five years ago."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Some of both, I guess."

"If you don't mind my asking, Ma'am, where did you see yourself five years ago?"

Glancing over her shoulder at AJ in the backseat, Mac laughed lightly. "Honestly? Everything I have in my career, it's what I wanted five years ago. It's my personal life that isn't matching." She sighed heavily and was quiet for a moment and when she spoke, the words came out in a rush. "I thought by now I would at least be pregnant with Harm's child."

Harriet's jaw dropped and hit the steering wheel. "Ma'am?"

Mac just nodded, not trusting her voice.

"I…" Harriet began. "Why…" she tried again. "What about Mic?" she finally blurted out.

"He wasn't really in the picture at the time," Mac said quietly. "The day AJ was born, Harm and I made a deal that if in five years neither one of us was in a relationship, we'd have a kid."

"And how did you expect that to work?" Harriet was shocked to learn about this deal, but at the same time, she wanted to know more.

"We hadn't worked out the technicalities. I don't think either one of us really believed it would ever happen."

"And why is that?"

Mac snorted. "You know what the last few years have been like between Harm and I."

"I obviously don't know everything," Harriet responded firmly. "Nor should I," she quickly added.

"I guess that day, I thought if I ever ended up with Harm, it would be a natural thing, like you and Bud, or the Admiral and Meredith. It would just happen. It wouldn't be part of a deal. And if I wasn't with Harm, I would have found my one by then."

"AJ just celebrated his fifth birthday," Harriet said quietly.

"Don't I know it. That's the day Harm's mom called me."

Harriet gasped. "I hadn't realized that!"

"It's not like we were talking anyway. I didn't even know where he was stationed."

"You didn't know?" Harriet was incredulous. She hadn't known things had gotten that bad between the pair.

"He didn't tell me when he left."

"And you didn't ask?"

"He didn't want me to know. I was willing to respect that."

"He was coming back," Harriet stated calmly.

Mac couldn't stop herself from asking, "When?"

"The third of May, I believe."

Mac turned to gaze out the window at the still cars surrounding them, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. She hated rush-hour traffic. It didn't matter whether you were trying to get into the city or out of it, you got stuck in traffic, much like how she often felt stuck in relationship-limbo with Harm. "The third," she whispered. What would have happened if he hadn't been injured? How would things have been different? She blinked back the tears, thinking of the possibilities. She kept hoping that this was all a bad dream and she would wake up and none of this would have happened. She wished she could start over, starting the previous autumn. That's when things seemed to take a huge nosedive.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Ma'am," Harriet said quietly, glancing over at Mac.

"It's okay, Harriet. It happens a lot these days."

Both women were content to sit in silence the rest of the way to Mac's apartment. Once Mac was inside, she ate as much of her burger as she could stomach, took a quick shower, threw on a lightweight nightgown, and crawled into bed to sleep. As sad as she was, sleep came quickly, her body giving out in its exhausted state.


	5. Chapter 5

Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown  
Washington, D.C.  
Friday, April 30, 2004  
2103 Hours (local)

Mac quickly picked up the phone as it rang. "MacKenzie."

"Mac, it's Trish."

"Trish! Is Harm okay?" Mac asked quickly. Trish had called earlier to tell her that they were running some tests on Harm to check for the extent of brain damage.

Trish laughed lightly. "Harm is… lucky."

"How did the tests turn out?"

"Considering what he went through, how bad off he was, he is doing incredibly well. He is having some motor control difficulties. He can walk, though not far, he is still too weak, but he appears to have lost some control of fine motor movements. Dr. Samson believes that this is due to damage to the cerebellum. He is hoping that he will regain at least some motor control. After talking with him, the amnesia appears to stretch back a few months, but he is able to remember things since he's awakened, which is a good sign."

"So…" Mac trailed off, "he's okay?"

"He's better than okay. He is being hailed as a medical miracle, at least by the staff here."

Mac sat down on her couch, trying to digest everything Trish was telling her. "He'll be okay?"

"He will. There may be some permanent damage. He may not ever be able to control all of his fine motor movements and he may not ever be able to account for his lost time, but he should be able to live a normal life."

"The loss of his fine motor control, what does this mean?" Mac wanted to know exactly what Harm was unable to do.

"He is having trouble moving his hands precisely where he wants them to go, stopping the movements once they get started. His handwriting is very… illegible. If he doesn't improve, he will never be able to drive, much less fly again. Even if he improves, it is doubtful that he will ever fly again, and driving is uncertain."

"That's horrible," Mac said, saddened by the news. She knew how much flying meant to Harm, and knew that he was probably heartbroken by news.

"He's very lucky, Mac. Most people wouldn't have survived, much less make some form of recovery."

"I know, I just…" Mac couldn't find the words. She knew she should be happy just because Harm was alive, and she was, but she didn't know what this would mean for him, what this would do _to_ him, or do to them.

"Hey," Trish spoke in a soothing tone, "it's okay. He'll be okay. He's going to make it. It could be a lot worse."

"I know," Mac sniffed. "I know. I'm glad he's going to be okay. I know he'll make it through this."

On the other end of the line, Trish was nodding, smiling. "Hold on, there's someone here who wants to talk to you," she said, unable to completely keep the excitement from her voice.

A moment later, Harm's voice was in Mac's ear. "Hey, Mac."

"Harm!" she squealed.

"Wish I could get that kind of greeting all the time."

Mac laughed lightly, hearing the smile in his voice. "You just may get it yet. How's your throat?"

"Sore. Feels like I've got some kind of horrible cold, but it is doing better."

"I can tell."

"Are you okay?"

"Better than I was. You?" Hearing is voice was exactly what she needed, just knowing he was there, alive. It brightened her day, and his voice sounded happy, easing her mind.

"As long as you're okay, I'll be fine. I miss you," Harm said.

"I miss you. I'll come back out as soon as I can."

Harm coughed into the phone. "Sorry. I have to go."

"Get some rest, Harm."

"You, too, Mac."

Trish was back on the phone a moment later. "He woke up as I was getting ready to step out and call you and he was about to die just to talk to you. We begged the hospital staff and they let us make the long-distance call."

"I think it's just what I needed. Thank you."

There was a moment of silence between the women. Finally, Trish spoke, "I'll call you tomorrow. Get some sleep."

"I've got to work tomorrow, try to make up some hours. But thanks for calling and letting me know how he is doing."

"You're welcome," Trish said as she hung up the phone. She turned and looked at her son with a smile on her face. Harm squeezed her hand and returned her smile.

As Mac hung up the phone, she sighed and leaned back into the cushions of her couch. Hearing Harm's voice had been great, but she wanted to see him. More than anything, she wanted be by his side.

xxxxx

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia  
Wednesday, May 19, 2004  
2210 Hours (local)

Mac sighed heavily as she leaned back in the worn leather chair in the conference room. Rubbing briefly at her eyes, Mac found herself wishing for another time, a time when she and Harm would stay late and work in the conference room together. The silence of the building wasn't as deafening when he was around and he would be more than willing to listen while she bounced ideas off him, and she would do the same for him. They would order pizza or Chinese food or some other takeout and take a break from their work, sharing a few smiles and laughs.

She and Trish exchanged phone calls at least once a day, sometimes more often. Harm was still in the hospital, but they were expecting to release him within a few days. She had spoken to him briefly only once since her return home. Trish was usually the one to call because Mac was always afraid of disturbing Harm. When calling, Trish had to step out of the hospital to use her cell phone to call long-distance, since the hospital wouldn't allow her to use their phone for the call. They had made an exception once, but that was it.

Mac really wanted him to come home, wanted him back at JAG, in the conference room, offering to order some dinner for them while they worked. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Mac leaned forward again and turned back to her scribbled notes once more.

xxxxx

Kindred Hospital  
San Diego, California  
Wednesday, May 19, 2004  
1918 Hours (local)

Harm sighed and turned his head to gaze out the window. The damn light wasn't on yet, but it would be soon. He had asked the nurses about being moved into a different room so he could get away from the bright streetlight just outside his window, but they informed him that they couldn't move him. His mom and Frank had just left to go get dinner and they would be back, so for the moment, he was alone.

He was trying to not feel sorry for himself, but in his moments of solitude, it was easier said than done. Wondering if he would ever get back to normal, Harm turned away from the window and sank his head back into the pillow. Glancing up at the television, he wanted to turn it on, even if there was nothing interesting airing, just so he could forget where he was and why he was there. He knew he wouldn't reach out for the remote, though. He was unwilling to put himself through the inevitable frustration as his hand moved in every direction except the one he wanted it to. His hands used to be his lifeline, controlling the massive plane he piloted at mind-numbing speeds, writing the words and signing the forms that would deliver punishment or save a career. Now, though, they were his enemy.

Harm wanted to get out of the hospital, out of San Diego, back to JAG, and back to Mac. He wanted his life back, but he didn't know if he would ever get it. Closing his eyes, Harm swallowed back the tears of pity that threatened and tried to think of happier thoughts, of better days, and a time when he could recognize his life.

xxxxx

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Friday, May 21, 2004  
1203 Hours (local)

Stepping through the doors of his mom and Frank's house, Harm took a deep breath and immediately felt out of place. He almost wished he were back in the hospital. Almost. Even though he was now free, his life was nothing close to normal and he would be reminded of that every time he moved to pick something up, put something down, put on his clothes, feed himself, brush his teeth… The list went on. In a way, he was glad to be out of the hospital, free from the constant beeping of the heart monitor and the pitying looks of the nurses, but at least in the hospital he could pretend that things would be better once he got out. Now he was out and he could no longer pretend that things would get better, because they wouldn't.

Stepping around him, Frank picked up Harm's bag and said, "I know it's a change, but things will continue to improve. The doctors are very hopeful."

Harm sighed heavily and said, "I know. I don't have to like it, though."

"No," Frank agreed. "But a positive attitude helps."

"Isn't that supposed to be mom's line?" Harm asked bitterly.

Frank glared at his stepson, saying nothing.

"Sorry," Harm apologized quickly. "I don't mean to take it out on you guys. You don't deserve it. Both of you have been great through this."

Frank's gaze softened as he spoke, "I know you don't mean it. You have every right to be frustrated. I'll try to keep that in mind."

Smiling sheepishly, Harm said, "Thanks. I'll try to keep it in check." Glancing down, he noticed Frank holding his bag. "I'll get it," he said, glad to do anything on his own. Frank extended the bag towards him and it took Harm several attempts to finally move his hand in the correct place to grab the bag. Slightly embarrassed by his own handicap, Harm moved towards the stairs. "I think I'll go upstairs and take a nap."

Frank watched him go and when he was halfway up, he called, "Why don't you give Mac a call? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you."

Harm turned back and glanced at his stepfather. "I might."

Watching him go, Frank couldn't help but to feel sorry for him. He and Harm had never been close. Trish was not especially close to Harm, as they had drifted apart over the years, but she was closer to her son than he was. Frank knew part of that came from being a stepfather and he had accepted it a long time ago. But he did know Harm well enough to know that he wasn't taking the latest turn of events in his life very well. The last time he was like this, after his ramp strike, he had only lost his wings, but this time it was possible that he had lost a whole lot more than just flying. Frank had no doubt that Harm would make it through this, he was a survivor, but the question was, what kind of a man would he become because of this? Turning away from the stairs, knowing that if Harm could read his thoughts, he would resent his pity, Frank headed into the kitchen. Trish would be home from her errands soon and they would probably have lunch together.

Upstairs, Harm went into his old bedroom, dropped his bag on the floor, and lied down gently on his stomach on the bed. He was tired, but he didn't really want to stay in bed. He had spent enough time in the last month in a bed. What he really wanted to do was get back to his life, or what was left of it. Rolling over, he glanced at the phone on the bedside table. Maybe calling Mac would be a good idea. Glancing at the watch on his wrist, the one he had for years, he figured Mac would still be at work.

Harm sat up quickly, the motion making him dizzy, and reached for the phone. It took him a few tries to pick up the phone. He attempted to dial the number that had become so familiar to him over the years several times before succeeding, and grew more excited with each ring of the phone. After the fourth ring, it was about to cut to voicemail and Harm was about to hang up, when she picked it up.

"Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie," Mac answered automatically, her voice breathless.

"Hey, Mac," Harm said nervously.

"Harm!" Mac practically yelled, her voice loud enough that he had to pull the phone away from his ear. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he said, smiling slightly, happy to hear her voice. "I just got out of the hospital."

"They released you? That's wonderful!" Mac exclaimed as she took a seat at her desk. She had just gotten out of court, losing the case to Bud, and was heading to the break room to find some chocolate to sooth her temper, but a phone call from Harm was much better.

"I guess it is," Harm sounded dejected.

"You don't sound too happy about it," Mac replied quietly.

"I should be, I guess, but…" he trailed for a moment, "it isn't my life."

"You'll make it back here in no time," Mac encouraged.

"I guess," Harm shrugged his shoulders, staring at the blank wall of his room. His mom had take down his posters of Navy planes years ago, but she had never really redecorated the room. In some ways, the blank walls were worse then the reminders of his childhood and the dreams that had been. "I just wanted to let you know I was out."

"Are you really okay?" Mac asked, concerned.

"Yeah."

"It will get better, Harm."

"So the doctors tell me," he grumbled.

"Have faith," Mac insisted. "You've made it this far."

Sighing heavily, Harm slid down on the bed, resting his head on his pillows. He really was tired now. "Hey, Mac, I'm really tired. I think I'm going to take a nap."

"Okay, you do that. I'll talk to you later."

"Yeah. Bye," Harm said quickly, hanging up the phone. He rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, trying hard to think of something other than what his life had been, but failing at the task.

Three time zones and a continent away, Mac sighed sadly as she hung up the phone. Harm was out of the hospital, which was definitely good, but he sounded depressed. Mac knew there was more going through his mind than he was letting in on, and from the sounds of things, they weren't pleasant thoughts. Glancing down at the calendar on her desk, Mac noted the date and decided to talk to the Admiral. Maybe it was time she take a few days and spend a long weekend in La Jolla.

xxxxx

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Friday, May 28, 2004  
1743 Hours (local)

Mac stepped through the door at Trish and Frank's house, looked around, and dropped her bags when she saw Harm lying on the couch.

Harm sat up straight and rose up off the couch. "Mac, you're here."

"Harm," Mac said quietly as she moved across the floor. When they met, Harm wrapped his arms around her and she nuzzled her head into his chest, closing her eyes, feeling him breathe against her. "You look good. A lot better than the last time I saw you."

"So do you," he spoke into her hair.

Behind them, Frank picked Mac's bags up off the floor and moved to take them upstairs. Harm and Mac were oblivious, completely wrapped up in each other.

Harm was still having trouble with some movements, but with work, he was also relearning how to do simple things, like writing. When he was released from the hospital, he was ordered to stay with his mom and Frank, relax, and return to the hospital once a week for a check-up and to test his movements. In the meantime, he was to continue writing and working with his fine motor control. Light exercise was also acceptable, as long as he had some one with him.

Harm released Mac and sank down onto the couch, his hand holding Mac's. "I'm glad you're here," he said simply.

Mac sat beside him. "I'm glad to finally be here."

"Can I get a greeting like that all the time?" he asked, smiling, his eyes twinkling.

Mac smiled in return. "We'll have to see about that."

Harm squeezed her hand and looked away. For several minutes, there was an awkward silence, until Trish entered the room and broke the spell. "Mac!" she said excitedly. "I thought I heard you come in." She crossed across the room quickly.

Mac released Harm's hand and got to her feet to be enveloped by Trish's hug.

When Trish released her, Trish stepped back and looked closely at the younger woman. "I'm glad to see you."

"I'm glad to see you, too," Mac admitted.

Trish looked around the room and noticed that Mac's bags were nowhere to be seen. "I guess Frank already took your things up," she said distractedly. "I was waiting for you to get here before I started on some supper." Moving away, she said, "I'm sure Harm will be happy to show you to your room."

Mac turned to Harm, concern in her eyes, "Is that okay?"

"I am allowed to move around, Mac. It's my brain that's damaged, not the rest of me," he answered, a hint of bitterness creeping into his tone.

"Sorry, I just…" she trailed off, not sure of what she wanted to say.

Harm shook his head and got to his feet, heading towards the stairs. "I know. Come on, I'll show you up. I'm sure you want to freshen up after your flight."

"Do I look that bad?" Mac asked with a grin on her face, trying to lighten the mood, as she followed him.

Harm turned around, also wearing a grin, "No, you don't look bad at all. You never do."

Blushing, Mac muttered, "Thanks."

At the top of the stairs, Harm turned right and gestured to the door on the right. "Here's your room. You have your own bathroom. My room is right here," he said, nodding his head in the direction of the room across the hall, "and that is mom's office," he added, indicating the room with the closed door at the end of the hall. "There's a bathroom, another bedroom, and my mom and Frank's bedroom at the other end."

"It's a nice house," Mac commented. The whole time she had been out there before, they had never returned to the house, choosing to stay as close to Harm as possible. She turned the corner into her bedroom and saw her bags at the foot of the bed. The walls were painted a sky blue, the curtains and the comforter on the bed were white, and the sheets matched the walls. Along the top of the room was a trim of clouds. The windows were open, and even though the room faced the front of the house, a fresh ocean breeze moved through the room.

Harm stood in the doorway, hesitant to follow Mac into the room. "I guess I'll leave you alone. We'll probably be outside on the back deck when you're done. Just go back downstairs, turn right, go through the kitchen, and out the sliding doors." He turned to go.

"Harm, wait," Mac called.

Harm turned back to her.

"Come in here," she said with a smile. "Talk to me while I get my stuff out," she said as she lifted a bag onto the bed.

Harm entered the room cautiously and took a seat on the bed, watching Mac as she began digging through the bag. For all her Marine preparedness, her bag looked every bit as disorganized as her desk usually did.

"Are you okay?" she asked seriously.

"Yeah," he said, his voice calm. "They wouldn't have let me out of the hospital if I wasn't."

"That's not what I meant," Mac said, pausing in her search for her soap, raising her eyes and leveling her gaze at him. "Are you okay… with everything? I don't mean _us_ , but…" she trailed off.

Harm nodded weakly. "I have to be. Things won't be the same, but it will be okay," he said, his words sounding more sure than he really felt.

Mac resumed her search, pulling out her shampoo bottle and setting it next to her conditioner, which she had already located. "You'll be back at JAG in a few weeks and things will be fine. You just have to have faith in them."

"I don't know, Mac," he responded, turning away.

"Do you not want to come back to JAG?" Mac asked, suddenly concerned.

"It's not me I'm worried about," Harm said, quickly spotting the bottle of soap and reaching in to pull it out, dragging with it a pair of light pink string bikini underwear. He handed the bottle of soap, and the underwear, to Mac.

"Thanks," Mac said, accepting the proffered items. Pulling the underwear off, she tossed it down on top of the items she already had out. "I needed those, too, but it is kind of scary how you knew that," she said, grinning.

"Well, I didn't picture pink as your color…" Harm trailed off, grinning, trying hard not to picture her in nothing but the underwear. At least that part of him still seemed to function normally.

"So, what are you worried about?" Mac asked, returning to the subject at hand, continuing to dig through the bag for her comb and brush.

"It's whether I'm wanted back at JAG or not that I'm worried about."

"Why wouldn't we want you back at JAG?" Mac asked as she pulled her brush and comb out. "We all miss you."

"It isn't you guys. I miss all of you, too, but it's the Navy."

Setting the bag down on the floor, Mac took a seat on the bed next to him, suddenly catching his drift.

"With Bud there, we already have one person with a… limitation, why would the Navy be inclined to keep me?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Mac asked, incredulous to the fact that Harm was even having these doubts. "You are an incredible lawyer. You work hard and you are good at what you do. You work to find the truth and it isn't always about winning and losing to you. Sure, you sometimes have your 'loose cannon' moments, but that's what makes you so good."

"Thanks, Mac," Harm said, without a smile. "And if they did want me back, what are the odds they would want to station two of us with limitations at Headquarters? And I couldn't push Bud out, even if that's what I had to do to stay in."

Mac shook her head. "It isn't going to be a problem, Harm. You can still be a lawyer. I'm sure you are just as sharp as you were before the accident. At this point, the only thing the doctors expect you to have any trouble with is perhaps driving. And you won't be able to fly, but the Navy isn't going to care."

Harm turned to Mac, a hurt expression on his face.

Realizing what she said and how it sounded, Mac quickly recovered, "I didn't mean it like that. They have obviously lost an incredible pilot. And I know how much flying meant to you and I'm sorry that this has happened, but at least you're alive. Even if you can't fly planes for them, I'm sure they will still want you as a lawyer. You don't need wings to do that."

Harm rose off the bed and started for the door.

"Harm, I just…" Mac began and sighed heavily. Since his accident, she was very unsure of what to say to him. "I didn't mean to make you angry."

"You didn't," Harm responded quickly, looking down at his feet. "I know you're right. I also know that my days of flying for the Navy were limited anyway. But it has been taken away from me, again. It wasn't my choice and I can't get it back this time. And it isn't just not flying for the Navy, but I've also lost my ability to fly _Sarah_."

"You don't know that. Flying her isn't like flying a Tomcat."

"No, it isn't, but who in their right mind is going to allow me to keep my pilot's license when I have brain damage?" he asked disdainfully, his gaze meeting hers.

Mac knew he was right, but she didn't like Harm's depressed mood and his negative attitude. She knew it wasn't doing any good for the healing process. "You don't know that it is permanent."

"It probably is. The chance for any improvements is slim. Reality is, Mac, this may be the best I get, and I've been lucky to get it. I know I should be grateful for my life, but it is a lot easier said than done."

Looking at the floor, Mac spoke quietly, "Just don't give up, Harm."

"I haven't yet."

Suddenly, looking back up at Harm, her eyes shining with happiness and a broad smile on her lips, she said, "You know what? If things don't work out and you can't fly _Sarah_ again," she started, feeling weird for using her given name, "I'll take you up."

Harm chuckled lightly, "Thanks for the offer, but you don't know how to fly, so I think I'd be safer on the ground."

"I'll learn," Mac countered.

Harm continued chuckling. "I'm glad you're here. I need your sense of humor. Go take a shower. I'll see you in a few minutes," he said as he stepped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him, thinking he needed more than just her sense of humor, he needed her.

"I wasn't kidding," Mac whispered behind him.


	6. Chapter 6

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Sunday, May 30, 2004  
2251 Hours (local)

The weekend had been wonderfully relaxing for Mac and she was not looking forward to leaving the next evening. She had once again opted for a late flight out and was scheduled to arrive back on the east coast in time for work in the morning. Mac had taken the time to catch up on some sleep and spend time with Harm. Despite the hours they had spent in each other's company, they had not discussed the serious topic that lied between them, what Harm was going to do when he returned to D.C. and what had occurred before he departed for San Diego the previous December.

It was a beautiful night outside, warm, breezy, and the moon was somewhere between a quarter- and a half-full. Mac had been inside, engaged in a discussion with Trish, when she got up to attend to something. Mac had decided to step outside for some fresh air for a few minutes. She was thinking about taking a warm bath and going to bed, but she wanted to spend a few minutes outside, just breathing in the fresh, ocean air while she still had the opportunity.

Crossing the deck, a bottle of water in her hands, she leaned against the railing and looked out to sea. A few stars dotted the sky and the moon was like a broad smile. She had been standing for a few minutes when she heard someone behind her clear his throat. Mac nearly jumped out of her skin and spun around to see Harm stretched out in a lounge chair.

"Sorry," he said, "I didn't mean to startle you."

"I didn't even know you were there," Mac answered, waiting for her heart rate to slow.

"Where did you think I was?" he asked, genuinely puzzled. He had been sitting out on the deck, enjoying the evening, when she had come out, and thinking she had come out to join him, after several minutes, he was wondering why she hadn't spoken.

"I don't know," she said, laughing lightly. "Inside somewhere. Reading maybe?" She shrugged her shoulders. "I really had no idea you were out here."

Harm smiled. "Explains why you didn't talk to me. I thought you were just being mean."

Mac smiled as she walked across the deck and took a seat in the chair next to him, facing him. The wind was blowing her hair about and she was trying to keep it out of her face, but she was losing miserably.

"So, what are you doing out here?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I asked you first."

Mac nodded. "Just thinking, enjoying the night. You?"

"Same." Harm looked away and gazed back out at the ocean.

"Dare I ask what you were thinking about?" Mac asked, her voice full of hesitation.

"You can ask, but I won't necessarily answer."

For a moment, Mac just looked at Harm. He was thinner than he had been back in December, but part of that probably stemmed from the weeks in the hospital and inactivity. The lines in his face were deeper and his eyes were clouded with worry. The months apart had changed him and how much of that was because of the accident, Mac would probably never know. "How much do you want to tell me?"

"Ideally, all of it. How much we could get through before it all gets messed up, that's the real question."

"I see," Mac said, nodding. Harm was still looking out into the sea, as if it held the answers. "That is a tough one."

Harm nodded and turned to look at Mac. "There are a lot of things I don't remember since I came out here. The doctor says it's because of the injury. But I do remember everything that happened before I left JAG. Even though I don't always want to remember."

Mac sighed, breaking the gaze, and looked down at her feet. "It wasn't all your fault, you know? I'm responsible for it, too."

"If I came back to JAG," he began, his voice deadly serious, "what would happen between us?"

"I don't know," Mac responded honestly as she shook her head. "I think part of it would depend on what happens now and in the time before you get back." She really wanted to believe that things would be calmer between them, that they could at least be friends again.

"And the other part?"

"That would depend on what we want to happen," she responded, looking back up to meet his gaze.

Harm nodded and returned his eyes to the sea.

"I should have said this a while ago, months back, but I'm sorry."

Puzzled, Harm asked, "For what?"

"Some of the things I said before your left."

"I wasn't exactly Prince Charming myself."

"No," Mac conceded, "but I crossed the line. I know how much your father and your brother mean to you and I had no right to say what I said, to insult them. I apologize."

Harm returned his gaze to Mac, a small smile touching his lips. "Apology accepted." He paused for a moment, thinking about another change in his life. "I'm going to be an uncle."

"Sergei is going to be a dad?"

"Yeah," Harm nodded, his smile growing. "His wife is pregnant."

"Congratulations," Mac said, returning his smile.

Harm snorted, "The kid makes me feel like an old man!"

"You still want kids?" she asked him suddenly, her tone serious.

Harm only nodded, looking into Mac's eyes, seeking something, searching for her feelings on the subject.

"There's still time for that," she assured him.

"Sorry for breaking the promise," he said sadly.

Mac looked taken aback.

"I never forgot, Mac."

"Neither did I."

Harm looked away as he asked his next question. "What are we going to do about it?"

Mac pondered this for a moment and took a swallow of water from her bottle. "Well, I see two options. One, we could just forget about it." Grinning, she went on, "Normally, since you backed out of the deal, I'd ask for monetary compensation, but you can't put a price on a life. You would have been a part of the child's life anyway, so asking for money wouldn't be very fair. And I don't believe backing out of the deal was your idea."

"Not like that," Harm responded, his voice light with humor. "The other option?" he asked more seriously, daring to look at Mac, a flicker of hope in his eyes.

She smiled reassuringly. "We give it some time, see where we go from here. We'll see what happens when you get back to JAG, see what we want to do."

"Another year?" Harm asked, smiling, his hand extended toward Mac.

"Another year," Mac responded, accepting his hand and shaking it.

For a few minutes, the only sound between them was the crashing of the waves on the beach, each of them thinking of the extended timeline on their promise and what it could mean. It was Harm that broke the silence. "You know what I regret the most about the last few years?"

"What?" Mac asked, genuinely curious.

Harm sat up straight, turned and planted his feet on the deck, facing Mac, his knees only a few inches from hers. He grabbed his can of caffeine-free diet Coke from the small table between the two lounge chairs and took a drink before answering. "Last fall."

Mac looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "It wasn't all bad."

"No, but a lot of it was. What should have been the best part was the worst."

"And that was?"

"Working with you on a case like old times," Harm raised his eyes and met her gaze.

"Harm," Mac began, sighing heavily. She wasn't really sure of where to begin. "It wasn't all you. I could have handled the situation better. If I had said something, the whole thing wouldn't have happened at all."

"I made the choice to do it, Mac."

Mac didn't know what to say.

Harm was finally taking responsibility for his actions, not being goaded into it by Mac. "I wish things hadn't gone like they did. If I could do it all over again, I would. Right back to when we came back from Paraguay."

Mac was surprised. "Why that far back?"

"I made some assumptions that I later learned weren't correct."

"Such as?" Mac asked, urging him to go on, wondering to what he could be referring.

"When we were in Paraguay, I heard you and Webb talking about sharing toothbrushes and enjoying the better part of your time down there, and then you kissed him. I just assumed that there was something more between you, that something had happened while you guys were down there. And even when we got back home, I thought something was going on between you two. I know we spent a lot of time together, but I also knew that you were spending a lot of time with him, and I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know where I, where we, stood. It wasn't until much later, after things started falling apart, that I knew for sure that there was nothing between you and Webb."

"When, exactly, did you realize this?" Mac asked, suddenly understanding, looking back at the Denise affair with a new perspective.

"After Denise." Harm looked down at his feet and took a deep breath before going on. "That night at my apartment when I made you dinner and you had helped me on a case and we ended up just fooling around…" he trailed off.

"Yeah," Mac responded weakly. Memories of that night still made her heart hurt with all the conflicting emotions that surrounded it. "I remember."

"As we were playing around, I started thinking that maybe I had been wrong all along and that there was nothing between you and Webb. You weren't acting like someone who was attached. And then before you left, when we stopped, I was completely confused again. I honestly thought that Webb was why you were leaving. I didn't know Denise had anything to do with it."

"Oh, Harm…" Mac whispered, her heart breaking for him. She hadn't been aware that the whole Denise affair actually begun the previous spring, even if Denise was not yet in their lives. "I'm so sorry."

Harm shook his head. "I think we are both to blame."

Mac nodded. "I think there is some truth to that."

"After that, after I found out that you knew what had happened with Denise, and how you reacted to it, I really began to believe there was nothing between you and Webb, and that perhaps there never had been. But it was that argument at your apartment, that's when I really _knew_ that there was nothing between you and Webb."

Mac sighed and took another drink of water, trying to collect her thoughts. It was true that she had spent a good deal of time with Clay. She both blamed him and owed him a lot for the events of Paraguay. He really didn't have anybody, so it seemed natural to Mac that she spend time with him while he was recovering in the hospital, rather than just leaving him alone. They had endured a lot together and she never thought about how Harm would interpret it. The more Clay recovered and talked of getting his job back at Langley, the more Mac was reminded of who he was, no matter how well he treated her. "How come you never asked me if there was anything between Clay and I?"

Harm shrugged his shoulders. "If there was, I didn't want to know about it. I didn't want to think about you and him, together. It wasn't my place to know."

Mac nodded. It was slowly making sense to her, why things had happened the way they did the previous year. "If you had known that there was nothing between us, what would you have done?"

"That's hard to say, Mac." For a moment, their gazes met. "I'd like to say that after Paraguay, after coming so close to losing you, after giving up everything I had for you, I would have worked to pursue a relationship with you. But I don't know. It has always been easier said than done."

"But because you thought I was with Clay, you didn't?"

Harm shook his head. "I was happy with whatever time you were willing to give to me."

Behind them, the sliding glass door opened and Trish poked her head out. "You kids okay out here?"

"Yes, mom," Harm responded.

Trish smiled. "Just checking on you. Frank and I are heading up to bed, so be sure to lock up when you come in."

"We will," Mac responded, turning around to look at the older woman.

"Goodnight," she called.

"Goodnight," both Harm and Mac called at once.

After a minute of silence, Mac asked, "Harm, why did you do it?"

"Do what?" he asked, thinking he knew what she wanted to know, but he didn't want another misunderstanding.

"Sleep with Denise?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"No," Mac admitted. "I need to know."

Harm sighed, taking a drink of his soda before he spoke. "I've thought a lot about this. More after it happened than I ever did before. And really, had I known she was married, or had you and I been in a committed relationship, I wouldn't have done it. That much I do know. Waking up next to her that morning, was one of the most awkward experiences of my life. I think I started to realize right then, before I found out about her husband, before I knew that you had seen us the night before, before the entire office knew that I had a one-night stand, before everything, that I had made a mistake. But it was already too late."

"But _why_?"

"I'm getting there. Afterwards, I couldn't remember why I did it. That morning, I kept asking myself, 'what the hell have I done?' And in the months since then, in the aftermath of everything, I've been able to realize that a lot of things drove me to do it. I was lonely. Our friendship was going pretty good, but at the time, I thought you were with Webb. I wanted to know why it was okay for you to have someone, but not me? At the same time, I was frustrated with things between us. We were getting closer, but real or imagined, Webb was between us. I did find Denise attractive. I just wanted to feel for one night, like a man, like someone still found me attractive and still wanted to be with me."

"Harm, you've always been attractive," Mac said softly.

Harm smiled, "Thanks. But mostly, and I am ashamed to admit this, it was about you. It came down to the fact that I didn't have you and I didn't think I ever would. I had lost you. Webb had come out of nowhere and stolen you away, even though I let go and gave up everything. And I used the opportunity with Denise to get back at you, to remind you that I could find someone, too. Never mind the fact that you weren't supposed to know about it, but it was a mental thing. I needed…" he paused for a moment, searching for the right phrase, "to be able to hold something over you, whether you knew about it or not."

For a moment, Mac was silent, digesting the information. He had done it to feel attractive, something Mac could certainly understand. And he had done it to hold something over her, which Mac could also understand, after all, she had done almost the same thing with Mic Brumby. But Mac also heard what Harm didn't say, what he didn't need to say; it was meant to wake her up, draw her attention to him.

"Mac?" Harm asked tentatively, afraid that she was really angry with him.

Her response was completely unexpected. She started laughing.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Mac nodded. She tried to talk as she laughed. "You know how we sometimes get clients who act so dumb and immature, like they are still in high school?"

Harm nodded.

"We're no better." She was still laughing. "When did we get so vindictive with the people that we care the most about? When did we decide that being petty and mean and trying to make each other jealous was the way to go?" Despite her laughter, she was serious with her questions.

"I'm afraid I'm not following you."

Mac shook her head and managed to stop laughing. "In Australia, after the whole ferry fiasco, I took Mic's ring, in part to make you jealous."

"Oh my God," Harm said, realization dawning on him. "I did the same thing with Denise." He started chuckling.

Mac started laughing again. "This is like a high school drama!"

"Or a soap opera!"

Mac nodded.

After a minute, the laugher died off. "Why do we do this?" Harm asked.

"I don't know. I always thought saying something like, 'you want to go to the movies with me?' was supposed to be easier."

"And a lot less painful."

Mac nodded. "But I understand it now. Why you did what you did."

"And I now understand why you reacted the way you did. I truly get why you were hurt by what I did." Another few minutes of silence passed while they both looked off into the ocean, knowing the answers weren't out there, but right in front of them. Finally, Harm asked, "Why didn't you try to find where I was?"

"You didn't want me to know. I respected your decision. Besides, deep down, I knew you were right. We needed the time apart."

"I didn't expect you to let me go that easily, to not track me down."

"I think the time did us good. It was hard, not going to the Admiral and asking him, but… It was what you wanted. Who am I to not allow you your space?"

"I'm glad you came, though, when my mom called you."

"I wasn't about to leave you alone. For all I knew," she paused, "you could have died and I never would have even had the chance to say goodbye. Or apologize to you. I couldn't have lived without that."

"It meant a lot to my mom that you were there."

"And you?"

Harm nodded. "It did."

There were tears in Mac's eyes. "You had me scared. I honestly thought you weren't going to make it." Her eyes were overflowing, thinking of a life without him, and the tears escaped.

"Hey," Harm said, reaching up unsteadily to brush the tears away with his thumb. The movement wasn't as graceful as it had once been, but the emotion behind it was just as strong. "I'm here."

"I know," Mac sniffled. "And I am damn glad that you are. It just hits me sometimes how close I came to losing you."

Harm smiled to her, "I know."

Mac pulled her head away and wiped at her tears, the flow having ceased. "Do you know when the doctors are going to let you come back east?"

"I could go now, but I would still have to be under the care of a neurologist, so I might as well stay here. And I have been told to relax and gradually increase my activity level, and we all know that if I was at home, I'd be trying to stick my nose into JAG business all the time, not relaxing."

Mac laughed lightly. "That's true."

"Besides, this is a good chance for me to spend some time with my mom. And work on my tan," he joked.

"I'm jealous," Mac teased.

"But I do want to come back."

"And when you do, what are you going to do?" she asked, curious. At times, he seemed so unsure about his future, but Mac believed he knew what he wanted to do; it was more of a question of being able to do it.

"I'll try to stay at JAG. I'm not sure I'll be able to do it, but I'll certainly try."

Mac smiled. "I think we would all like to have you back."

"That's good to know."

"And what about us?" Mac asked, meeting his gaze, her eyes filled with a hope that had been nearly extinguished almost six months earlier.

"I'd like to see where we can go from here. If you want to…"

"I'd like to give it a try," she said softly.

Harm smiled, drained the rest of his can and got to his feet. He walked around Mac's chair and moved towards the door. Mac followed him with her gaze. Stretching his hand out, he asked, "You coming?"

Mac rose to her feet and followed him inside. In the hallway between their rooms, Mac pulled Harm into a hug. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything."

"You're welcome. And thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything," he echoed.

And for many long minutes, they remained in each other's embrace, content, before they parted ways for the night.

xxxxx

San Diego International Airport  
San Diego, California  
Monday, May 21, 2004  
1826 Hours (local)

Harm stepped out of Frank's car with Mac and helped her unload her bags from the trunk. Mac leaned into the window and said her goodbyes to Frank, thanking him for letting her stay for a few days. Harm and Mac moved towards the doors together, and they stopped outside, dropping Mac's bags to the ground. For a moment, neither of them said anything.

"So," Harm began.

"Yeah. I have to go."

"I know," Harm responded. "I don't want you to go." He had really enjoyed having her out for a few days, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh. Knowing he was going to miss her company and the stories about JAG and everybody back home was enough to bring him down. For a few days, she had been able to make him forget about his problem.

"I have to, though," she stated simply, resigned to the fact that she had to leave.

Harm moved forward and pulled her into a hug. "It was nice having you out here."

"It was nice being here. I'm glad you are doing so much better." Mac knew she would never be able to voice just how much of a relief it was to be with Harm, to spend time with him, just knowing he really was alive.

"You and me both." Harm was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you," Mac said quietly. "JAG isn't the same without you."

"I can imagine," Harm chuckled. "You be careful out there."

"You take care of yourself."

"Are you going to come back out?" he asked.

"We'll have to see. It depends on when you come back east."

"I guess." For a moment, Harm squeezed her tighter, never wanting to let her go, before releasing her.

Mac backed out of his embrace and picked up her bags. "I need to go."

"Get some sleep on the flight."

"I will."

"And tell everyone back at JAG I said 'hi.'"

"Will do." Mac started walking away.

A few feet from the door, Harm called her name. "Mac?"

She turned around.

"Do you remember what I said the night I left?"

"I think so," Mac nodded. She was thinking about the three little words they had finally managed to say to each other, three little words that meant so much, three words that were really much too small to describe the emotion.

Smiling, Harm said, "It still stands."

Mac nodded, smiling in return. "The same goes for you."

"I'll see you when you get back," he said.

"Not if you come home first," Mac teased.

Once she had slipped through the doors, Harm returned to the car with Frank for the ride back to La Jolla, his life already feeling emptier with her absence.

On the plane, Mac watched the clouds as they obscured the land below. The visit with Harm had been good and some of the air between them had been cleared. Leaning back in her seat, Mac sighed contentedly as she closed her eyes. They had taken steps over the weekend towards repairing the damage they had done, taken steps forward into a future, a future where she and Harm were together. Smiling, she fell into a light sleep as the miles slipped by thousands of feet beneath her.


	7. Chapter 7

Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown  
Washington, D.C.  
Thursday, June 24, 2004  
2003 Hours (local)

Mac had just gotten comfortable in a tub full of hot water and bubbles when the phone rang. Laughing to herself, she sat up and reached across to the toilet lid, where she had left the portable phone. Somehow, she had known she wasn't going to make it through the bath uninterrupted. "MacKenzie," she spoke into the phone.

"Hey, Mac," responded the comforting voice from the other end.

"Hey, Harm," Mac responded, smiling to herself. She loved it when he called, even if she always felt a moment of fear before he assured her that he was fine.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Tired, it's been one of those days. What about you?"

"Same old, same old."

"So, you aren't calling me with any exciting news?" she asked as she leaned back in the tub. Mac was okay with no exciting news from Harm. In fact, it was probably better that way, as she would worry less.

Harm could hear the movement in the water. "I just had a feeling that maybe you needed a call to cheer you up."

Mac laughed. "We must be on the same wavelength."

"Are you in the tub?"

Shifting a leg, the water sloshed again. "Sure am."

Picturing Mac in the tub, he asked, "Do I want to know how you answered the phone so quickly?"

"I had it in here with me. Somehow, I just knew someone would call. I should have known it would be you."

Harm smiled to himself and leaned back into the pillows on the bed, gazing at the picture of the two of them in Afghanistan on his bedside table. "Rough day?"

"That's one way of putting it," Mac sighed.

"Tell me about it."

Thinking about her current case, Mac began, "A couple days ago I got handed a case involving a petty officer who was caught stealing."

"Stealing what?"

"Anything. From the base commissary, from the office, from coworkers, anything. He seemed like a good kid, though. Honest, friendly, smart, too. He's apparently been stealing for a while and it was an unfortunate situation that caused him to get caught. So, he tells me this story, why he steals, and it's very compelling. He was helping his parents take care of his three siblings. His parents are poor, his youngest sister is really sick, and his parents really can't afford her treatment and medicine… Anyway, I started to feel sorry for him."

"What changed?"

"He keeps shooting himself in the foot. I thought that I could get him off on mitigating circumstances if he went into counseling. But Sturgis is being a real hard-ass on this one, going all out."

"Okay…" Harm trailed off, thinking. "What does the Petty Officer keeping doing to exacerbate the situation?"

Mac chuckled. "Get this, today I was meeting with him and Sturgis, about an hour or so before court, trying to strike a deal. Sturgis wouldn't bite. We leave the conference room and I head back to my office. I had the kid taken into custody while we waited for the court time because, honestly, I'm afraid to leave him alone in my office. Sturgis comes by and asks me if I've seen his wallet. I hadn't. He told me he had it in his briefcase, since he was hoping to have time to run downstairs and grab something to eat before court."

"Oh no…" Harm started, chuckling, knowing where Mac was going with her story. "He didn't."

"He did. I went to talk to the petty officer and there he was with Sturgis's wallet, smiling like a cat that had brought me a present."

"You took the wallet back to Sturgis, right?"

"I did. And told him where I got it."

"No wonder he's being such a hard-ass!" Harm exclaimed. He missed JAG, the daily happenings and the occasional weird cases they were handed.

"No kidding. The kid is so smart but he is being incredibly stupid. Ugh…" Mac said, sinking lower into the tub. "I don't want to think about it anymore. How are things with you?"

"Good," Harm responded simply. "My handwriting is improving."

Closing her eyes, Mac said, "That's good. Anything new from the doctors?"

"Not really. I just have to keep working, but they're hopeful. They say that I should be able to drive again, as long as I'm careful."

"That's wonderful," Mac said, smiling.

Harm could hear the smile in her voice. "And I'm keeping up with the exercise, too. Walking every day, usually in the evening with my mom and Frank down on the beach."

"I'll bet that's nice," Mac said, her eyes still closed, envisioning the beach.

"Sometimes. Mom is glad to be back at work. Mostly I just listen to the two of them talk about their days. I'd love to talk about mine, but they really aren't that exciting," Harm finished, sounding depressed.

"They'll get better," Mac assured him, opening her eyes to stare at the tiles on the wall. She moved one hand and dribbled some water over her shoulders and her chest, both warming and tickling her skin. Being on the phone, she was reluctant to sit too low in the water. "Have they said anything about you coming home soon?"

"Not yet," Harm responded. He heard Mac shift in the tub on the other end of the line. Closing his eyes, he envisioned her long legs sloped beneath the surface of the water, her breasts and nether regions hidden by bubbles. "Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you," Harm started, hesitation evident in his voice, "do you want to come out here for the Fourth of July? I know Harriet usually has a cook-out, but I won't be there and-" He stopped talking when he heard Mac laughing.

"Take a breath, Harm."

Harm did as she instructed and took a breath.

"Now let it out." She heard him expel the air over the line. "Would this be like a date?"

"Maybe."

"Wouldn't it be easier to ask someone closer to where you are instead of me, all the way across the country?" she teased.

"I suppose it would be, but I'm not interested in anyone out here."

Mac was lucky that Harm couldn't see the blush that wasn't only forming in her cheeks, but all over her body, brining with it a tightening in her stomach and a feeling of warmth between her legs. "What day is the Fourth?"

"You don't know?" he asked.

"Not right off the top of my head I don't. That only works with time."

"So, you're going to make me get off the bed and walk across the room to look at the calendar?" he whined, teasing her.

"The other option is that I have to get out of the tub, take a minute to dry off, wrap up in a towel, walk out into the living room, dig in my briefcase and find a calendar. It sounds much easier from your end."

Harm was lost in the visions of Mac climbing out of the tub and walking through her apartment, dripping wet, having lost him before she mentioned drying off.

"Harm?" Mac questioned, suddenly concerned.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Where'd you go?" she asked.

"You don't want to know," he responded. It was his turn to blush as he glanced around his room, knowing he was alone, but still embarrassed by his physical reactions.

Mac giggled, sank a little lower into the tub, and propped her feet up on the far wall. If his thoughts were straying in any manner resembling her own, she knew exactly where he had gone. And the idea of that wasn't exactly unpleasant.

"Are you giggling, Marine?" Harm asked.

"Maybe," she answered, smiling broadly. Wishing Harm were in the next room instead of on the other coast, Mac moved, her hand grazing her breasts.

Harm laughed as he rose up off the bed and walked across the room to the calendar he had hung on his wall. True to his childhood, all the pictures were of Navy planes, his beloved Tomcat the picture for July. "The Fourth is a Sunday, Mac."

"I'll have to ask the Admiral if I can leave for a few days."

"Haven't you been putting in some extra hours?"

"Yes, but leave time is still something I don't have a lot of." Mac knew she could get the time off, but she liked to tease Harm a bit.

Confident that the Admiral would say yes, Harm said, "I'm sure he'll let you come out here."

"I'll beg. And I am pathetic when I beg."

"I know. I've seen you beg," Harm teased.

Mac sighed. "Then you know it will work." There was an awkward silence on the phone for a minute. "I'm glad you called, Harm," Mac finally said, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm glad I called, too. I'll let you go so you can take your bath in peace. I've got to do a little cleaning up, start getting dinner ready. My mom and Frank will be home soon."

"Take it easy."

"You, too."

"I'll call you when I find out if I can come out for the Fourth."

"You better," Harm responded. "Take care."

"You, too," Mac echoed, reluctantly pulling the phone away from her ear. After placing it back on the toilet cover, she sank low in the tub, smiling broadly, tingling all over, wondering what her visit west would bring this time.

Harm replaced the phone in the cradle and leaned back, his hands laced behind his head. Grinning, he felt excited just thinking about Mac's next visit. Their conversation had been good, some teasing and flirting, a positive sign for the state of their relationship. Closing his eyes, he let himself indulge in the image of Mac in the bathtub for a few minutes before he attempted to calm himself and head back downstairs.

xxxxx

San Diego International Airport  
San Diego, California  
Friday, July 2, 2004  
1037 Hours (local)

Mac had opted for an early flight, figuring that the earlier she left, the earlier she would arrive in California. Besides the layover in Chicago, the flight was easy, and Mac slept most of the way. As she got off the plane, she wandered through the airport. Just past the security checkpoint, she saw him, searching for her.

The instant Harm spotted her, he grinned and walked towards her. "Mac!" he called when he was closer.

Without hesitating, Mac hugged him, glad to see him. "Hey, Harm."

Releasing her from the hug, he offered to take the small duffle bag she was holding. "How was the flight?"

"A lot smoother than when I fly with you," she grinned, surrendering the bag.

"Funny," he grinned back. "So, it was okay?"

"Too long."

"You do have more than this, right?" he asked, holding up the bag.

Mac looked up at him, a serious expression on her face. "No, I intended on staying in my jeans and this shirt all weekend. Except for when I wear the bikini I packed in this bag."

Harm's mouth dropped open. "I know you're kidding. Right?"

"Well, I did bring another bag…" she trailed off, walking away from him.

"And…" he urged.

"And what?" she shrugged her shoulders, her lips hinting at a smile.

"No bikini?" he asked, his eyes wide.

Mac grinned. "I knew I forgot something. Guess I'll have to swim naked."

Harm stopped in the middle of the airport. "Tell me you're joking."

Mac started laughing. "I am. About the swimming naked part. And I remembered a swimsuit. Anything else you want to know?"

Harm resumed walking. "No, that's good for now."

"Good, 'cause I won't tell you which bathing suit I brought."

Harm shook his head, smiling. "I am so glad to see you didn't leave your sense of humor at home."

"So," Mac began, looking around. They had reached the designated baggage carousel for her flight, but the bags had not arrived yet. "Did you drive here?"

Harm shook his head. "No, my mom did. She dropped me off and is driving around. It was easier than trying to find a parking space. She'll meet us outside."

Mac nodded. "Any news?" she asked him.

Harm grinned. He lifted Mac's hand up. "Here," he said, closing all of her fingers save her index finger. "Hold your finger up like this."

"Okay," Mac nodded.

Harm did the same thing with his corresponding hand, touching his finger to hers gently. "Now, what I want you to do is move your hand away, like this," he said, demonstrating by moving his hand about six inches to the left, his finger still extended. "You can move it left or right, up or down, it doesn't matter. And I will try to move my finger and touch yours as fast as I can."

"Like this?" Mac asked, quickly moving her finger to Harm's, smoothly and effortlessly.

"Yeah," he nodded.

Mac dropped her hand. "And what does this indicate?"

"Well, I have trouble with fine motor movements." Harm dropped his hand as well. "Stopping them, controlling exactly where they go. By doing this simple task, we are able to see exactly how much trouble I have, how quickly and steadily I can move, how much control I have over stopping my movements."

"Is this what you do when you go to the doctor's office?"

"One of the tests."

Mac nodded, raising her hand, her index finger extended. "You ready?"

Harm raised his hand and gently touched hers. He nodded.

Mac quickly moved her hand to the right about five inches. Harm moved quickly to meet her, but went beyond her finger and had to move back. When Mac moved her hand up about six inches, the same thing happened, although Harm did not overshoot by as much. The more Mac moved, the better he got. Finally, Mac lowered her hand. "Is that an improvement?" she asked.

Harm nodded, grinning. "It takes me a moment to get into it, but it is a huge improvement. At first, I would be lucky to touch your finger on the fourth or fifth attempt."

Mac smiled broadly. "That's neat. Are there any other tests like that?"

Harm nodded. "You know the drunk test where you stick your arm out and have to move it and touch your nose?"

"It's been a while since I've been tested for drunkenness, but I know it," Mac nodded.

"Well, most people do it in two movements, the first one is very quick and covers most of the distance, but about an inch from the nose, the movement pauses briefly and then resumes slower." Behind them, the buzzer on the carousel sounded, indicating that the conveyor belt would start moving soon. Both Harm and Mac jumped. "But," Harm continued, "people with brain damage like I have, do it in several movements, starting with the quick one, but closer to the nose, we make several shorter, slower movements, instead of just one. In severe cases, the person's hand will jerk to the right and left."

"But that's not your case, is it?" Mac asked, glancing down at his hands, one holding her bag, the other resting by his side.

Harm shook his head. "Fortunately, no. Initially, I did have problems, but it has improved."

Mac watched as the bags moved past them on the baggage carousel. "That's good. I'm proud of you. You've come a long way."

Harm looked away from her. "Thanks, but I really haven't done much."

Turning from the bags, Mac looked up at him.

Feeling her eyes on him, he met her gaze.

"That's not true, Harm. You have worked for this. You've been practicing, exercising your muscles, doing crossword puzzles and reading to keep your mind active, you've been talking to people, talking to me, staying active. You haven't let the situation get you down. You still have that same stunning smile you always did and you still have your sense of humor."

"I have a stunning smile?" he asked, flashing her the very smile to which she was referring.

Mac nodded. "And you know you have it," she grinned. "But healing isn't always just physical. There is the mental aspect, too." She turned back to the baggage carousel and saw her bag coming around. She took a few steps to the side and grabbed it as it came around. She slung it over her shoulder and returned to Harm's side.

"That it?" he asked.

"That's it." They started walking and Mac resumed talking, "You want to get better, you aren't letting this get you down. If you were, you probably wouldn't have improved so much."

"Mind over matter."

"Sort of. You can't just will yourself better, but at the same time, you do have to want to get better."

Harm looked down at her. "You sound like you know a lot about this."

"I've done some reading," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"It makes sense, though," Harm responded. For a minute, they were quiet as they wove their way through the throngs of people, Harm leading the way. "Do you want me to carry that?" he asked, indicating the larger, and heavier, bag she had over her shoulder.

"I've got it," she assured him. "But thanks."

"Just trying to be a gentleman," he grinned. "This way," he said, turning towards a set of double doors.

Once outside in the warm summer air, they only had to wait a minute before Trish showed up with the car. Trish jumped out of the car to help Mac with her bag, even though she didn't need it. After placing her bag in the trunk, Trish enveloped her in a hug. "How are you, Mac?"

"Good. And you?"

Pulling back, Trish responded, "Good."

Glancing at Harm, Mac asked, "He isn't giving you too much trouble?"

Trish laughed. "Only when I'm home."

"Mom," Harm whined.

"Give it up, Harmon. I am your mother and I will always find ways to embarrass you."

Mac laughed.

"Not you, too," Harm grumbled.

"Come on," Trish said, moving to get back into the car. "I'm sure Mac is hungry and wants to freshen up. We'll go back to the house for lunch and then you guys can do whatever you want."

Harm let Mac ride up front and the three of them kept up a light chatter all the way back to the house.

xxxxx

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Friday, July 2, 2004  
1604 Hours (local)

After lunch, Harm and Mac had stayed inside the house, chatting. Mostly, Mac was filling him in on the activities at JAG and some of her recent cases, including the thieving Petty Officer, who was out of the Navy, spending a few years in jail, and ordered to get counseling. Mac told him stories that Bud and Harriet had shared about AJ and Jimmy, who were both getting bigger everyday. After the heat of the day had passed, the two decided to go down onto the beach for a little while, even though Mac was so tired she was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

Looking at herself in the mirror of the bathroom, Mac sighed. She had debated which swimsuit to bring for the weekend and ended up bringing two, a simple bluish-green one piece that actually stayed up when swimming, and the one she had on. Biting her lip, she wasn't so sure she should be wearing it. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her body, far from it, she worked hard to stay in shape, but it was Harm she was swimming with. After everything they had been through recently, she wasn't so sure it was appropriate; she didn't know if she was ready to push the issue.

The knock on her bedroom door and the sound of Harm calling her name brought her out of her reverie. "Hey, Mac? Are you ready?"

Shutting off the light in the bathroom, Mac stepped into the bedroom and picked up her towel, which had blue and green stripes on it and red, orange, yellow, and purple fish scattered about. Here goes nothing, she thought to herself, opening the door.

When Mac opened the door, a thousand butterflies burst out of cocoons in Harm's stomach and took flight. The band that was wrapped around his chest tightened and he found it hard to breathe. Mac was more than beautiful, beyond gorgeous. She was a goddess. His mouth opened and closed while he tried to think of something to say.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

Harm allowed his eyes to travel up and down her. The black bikini was small, leaving little, but just enough to the imagination. It set off her slightly bronzed skin perfectly, completing the image of the goddess that she was. Her long legs traveled from the floor up, a small triangle of fabric covering what he knew lay beneath. Two ties, one on each side, held the material in place. The material ended well below her belly button, and if Harm had to guess, he would say that if it sat just a little bit lower, he would be able to see some hair. The flat planes of her well-muscled but decidedly feminine stomach were a testament to how hard she trained to stay in shape for the Marine Corps. And above that, was her chest, which Harm tried not to linger on. He did notice, however, that the black triangles that consisted of the top of her suit contained everything, but only barely. A string ran along the bottom of the triangles, connecting them, and he assumed, tied in the back. From the top of each triangle was another strap that went up and disappeared behind her neck, presumably tied together. Moving further up, was her face, which was in all of Harm's best dreams. A face that said that she was waiting. "Uh, what?" he asked, unaware that she had even spoken.

"Is this okay?" she repeated nervously.

Harm smiled, blushing slightly. "If you lose your suit, I'll help you find it," he blurted out.

"You think I should change?" she asked, taking a step back.

"No," Harm said quickly, grabbing her hand. "It's fine. Come on," he said, tugging her along after him.

Mac followed him down the stairs and as they headed through the kitchen, he dropped her hand. On the back deck, Trish was working with some flowers.

Trish looked up at the pair and smiled. They did look good together. Harm was wearing a pair of navy blue swim trunks and Mac, in that bikini, looked like a woman out to catch a man. "Have fun down there," she said to them.

Glancing at Mac, Harm responded, "We will."

As they walked down the steps, Trish said under her breath, "Not too much, I hope. It may be our property, but there are people down there."

Down on the beach, Harm and Mac laid their towels out, Mac immediately flopping down on hers. "You put sunscreen on, right?" Harm asked.

Mac nodded, "Up in the room. You?"

"Yup. I've been working on my tan, but I don't need to look like a lobster to do it."

Mac was lying on her stomach, her head on her arms. She lifted her head and turned to look at Harm. "I can tell. Some of the paleness has faded," she grinned.

Harm rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, you look good. You've put some weight back on, you've got some muscle tone back."

Looking down at his stomach, which was not as well muscled as it once was, Harm responded, "Not as much as I used to."

"You'll get it back," Mac reassured. She turned away from him again, closing her eyes.

Harm leaned back on his elbows, watching the motion of the waves as they crashed and rolled up the beach. "Mac?"

Her arms muffled her voice. "Hmm?"

He swallowed before he spoke, "When you opened the door up there," he began, "I… you…"

Mac opened her eyes and turned to look at him, waiting for him to continue. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Something like that."

"Why don't you just spit it out?" she suggested.

"You look incredible," he said, meeting her gaze briefly before looking away.

Mac smiled as she looked away. "Thanks. You're looking good over there yourself." She lowered her head again and closed her eyes. Within moments, she was asleep, despite her best attempts to stay awake.

Harm looked over at her and knew she had fallen asleep. Knowing she was tired, he wasn't surprised. She had gotten up early to catch the plane and flying west was always tiring. He was content to sit beside her, watching her doze in the afternoon sunlight. A little while later, he roused her just enough to get her to roll over. He could imagine her chewing him out because he allowed her to sleep the whole time on one side.

Some time after flipping over, Mac turned her head to the side and opened her eyes. Harm was lying on his stomach, watching her. She smiled at him, her eyes squinting in the sunlight. "Have you done anything besides watch me?" she asked.

Harm thought for a moment. "No. I woke you up to roll you over once, but that's it."

"My tan thanks you."

"Well, tell your tan I said you're welcome."

Mac closed her eyes again. "If I don't get up, Harm, I'm going to sleep here for the rest of the day."

"We could go back to the house," he suggested. "You could lay down up there."

"I could… But it is July, I'm at the beach, I don't have very much time here, I'm here to spend time with you… I'm sure you can think of something better then sleeping up at the house. I'll do that tonight."

"We could swim," he suggested.

Mac opened her eyes again, gracing him with a smile. "That sounds good."

Harm smiled back and quickly bounded to his feet. Mac slowly rolled over and accepted the hand up that Harm offered. She was still pretty tired, but she really didn't want to spend the whole day sleeping.

The water of the Pacific Ocean was warm and Mac loved the way it felt as it hit her toes. "You think I could convince the Admiral to let me stay out here?" she asked.

"No," Harm said, shaking his head. "He wouldn't let you come. Not unless he came, too."

"That might take some of the fun out of it," Mac said, laughing.

They stepped out further into the water. Mac could feel the tide tugging at her suit, but it held and she knew Harm was disappointed.


	8. Chapter 8

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Sunday, July 4, 2004  
2121 Hours (local)

The fireworks were done and Harm and Mac were alone on the beach, Trish and Frank having left them some time ago. The sand beneath Mac's toes was still warm from the sun earlier in the day, but the moon and the stars were the only thing overhead now. She was in a pair of shorts and a lightweight button-down shirt, and despite the warmth of the evening air, the ocean breeze sent occasional shivers up her spine. For a long time, she and Harm had just been enjoying each other's company, knowing that she had to leave the next day.

Without thinking about his actions, Harm reached down and picked up Mac's hand, which had been resting between them. "This is nice."

Mac squeezed his hand and nodded. "It has been good."

For several more minutes, the pair just watched the waves roll ashore. A couple was strolling along the beach, holding hands. They paused in their walking to share a kiss, and for a moment, Mac wished she were a part of that pair, Harm making up the other half.

"Mac?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Nothing, really." She was quiet for a moment. "You?"

"I think that as soon as the doctors let me, I'll come back east."

"Does that mean you want to come back to JAG?"

"I'd like to."

Mac squeezed his hand. "I hear a 'but' in there."

Harm said nothing for a full sixty seconds. "But I'm not sure it would be the right move."

Mac nodded. "And why is that?"

Once again, Harm was silent before answering, this time for much longer than sixty seconds. He turned and looked at Mac and when she felt his eyes upon her, she returned the gaze. "Do you want me back?" he asked.

"At JAG? Of course I do."

Harm glanced down at his hands. Holding their joined hands up, he asked, "But what about this?"

Mac studied their hands for a minute. "We'll see where it goes." She knew what he was getting at, but she didn't want to keep him away from JAG if that was where he really wanted to be. They would take things as they came, see where the road led.

Harm nodded and looked away. He figured her response would be similar to what she gave him. After many long minutes of silence, their hands still joined, Mac shuddered, and Harm felt it. "Are you cold?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Just a cold chill. I'm fine."

Harm released her hand and pulled her close to him, draping his arm over her shoulder. "This better?"

Mac nodded and Harm could feel the movement against his chest.

Later, Harm looked down and noticed that Mac was looking up at him, her brown eyes twinkling. "What are you thinking now?" he asked.

"Nothing," she responded, smiling softly. She certainly understood Harm's concern for the state of their relationship upon his return home because she felt those same fears. Despite her confident tone towards Harm, she needed someone to make her feel better about the situation.

"Yeah, right. I know you're thinking something."

Mac continued to gaze at him for a moment before answering. "This whole weekend has been nice. I needed to get away from everything back home. And I can't wait until you come home, because I have missed you." She swallowed before going on, "But when you get home, when you come back to JAG, because I know you want to, will it be the same?"

"Will what be the same?"

"You and me. Will you still feel the same way?"

"That's never going to change." He knew that no matter what happened between them, he would always love her.

"What if we mess this up?" she asked.

"We'll try again."

"After the last time, after everything, I don't know that I could try again if this doesn't work," she admitted weakly. She didn't know if her heart could take that kind of pain.

"Then we'll have to make this work," he whispered. He wasn't sure there would be enough of him left to try again either if they failed. He felt just as scared as she sounded.

Mac pulled herself up and away from Harm and looked at him.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

Mac nodded.

"Of what?"

"Of getting hurt again. Of hurting you. Of losing you."

"You'll never lose me, Mac."

"That's my line."

Harm smiled and reached for her hand again. "Would it make you feel better if I said I was scared, too?"

Mac nodded.

"I am."

It was Mac's turn to smile. "Do you think we can?"

"I know we can."

Mac looked away, out to sea.

He watched her for a moment, pondering his next move. "Mac?" he whispered, his voice just barely strong enough to carry on the wind.

She turned back to him, her eyes questioning.

Harm scooted forward, removing his hand from hers. Mac looked away, but Harm raised his hand to her chin and lifted it so that she was looking at him again. She swallowed and he asked, "Is this okay?"

She could barely hear him, but she knew what he was asking. Her breath had left her when he touched her chin and she was waiting for it to return, but as long as he continued to look at her like he was, with such love, such adoration, and such wanting, her breath wasn't going to return. She nodded her head, but only barely.

Harm gently touched his lips to her, so lightly at first that Mac thought it was her imagination. But as he increased his pressure, she knew this was very real. Reaching up with one hand, she moved it behind his head and pulled him closer, increasing still further the pressure of his kiss. His tongue slipped out of his mouth and traced the shape of her lips, running along the seam between them, begging for entrance. As Mac opened her mouth to grant him access, he reached around and pulled her closer to him, nearly pulling her onto his lap. When his tongue slipped inside, Mac let out an involuntary groan of pleasure, her other arm snaking around Harm as she pulled herself to him.

They finally broke for air and Harm asked again, "Is this okay?"

"As long as it's me you're kissing," Mac responded, smiling.

Harm looked down at their legs, now entangled, Mac half on-top of him. "I'm sorry about that whole mess."

"I know. I'm sorry, too," Mac said. "I'm sorry I got so angry that I never gave you a chance to apologize or explain or anything. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer before about what was going on in my life. I'm sorry for pushing you to it."

Harm smiled, "How about we both just admit that we're sorry and leave the whole event in the past, work on going forward from here?"

"Forward sounds good," Mac nodded.

"Good. Then kiss me again," Harm insisted, pulling Mac's head forward again.

She went along willingly.

Harm's fingers tangled in her hair, his other hand ran up and down her back, every once in a while slipping beneath her shirt to feel bare skin. Likewise, one of Mac's hands could be found wandering beneath Harm's shirt, touching his skin. Gently pulling Mac to the side, Harm laid her down on the towel they had been sitting on. They continued to kiss, their tongues dancing to a rhythm as old as time itself. Side by side they lay, exploring each other with their mouths and their hands. One of Harm's legs was between Mac's. She found herself pressing on his thigh and could feel Harm's arousal on her other thigh.

As they pulled apart for a moment to catch their breath, Harm said to Mac, "I haven't felt this good in a long time."

"Since the accident?"

"Before then."

"Since…" Mac trailed off, thinking of so many things.

"Maybe not ever," he whispered as his lips captured hers again.

Long minutes later, Mac pulled back. "Harm?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to go up to the house?"

It was a simple question, but Harm didn't know what she meant by it. It was an innocent question, but the gleam in her eyes suggested there was more than just appeared on the surface. He nodded, hesitant to voice his thoughts and ruin the spell that had been cast over them.

Mac pulled herself away from Harm and got to her feet. She held her hand down to help him up. Once on his feet, Harm picked the towel up and shook the sand out and they walked back to the house, hand in hand.

After hanging the towel over the deck railing, they went inside. Both were relieved to neither see nor hear Trish and Frank anywhere. They didn't so much as care where they were, just as long as they weren't around them.

Still holding hands at the top of the stairs, Mac pulled Harm towards her room. Only then did he show the first signs of hesitation. "Mac, are you sure?"

Mac nodded, smiling.

"It's not that I don't want to," he went on, "I just don't want to mess this up."

"We won't," Mac responded, her words similar to the ones he had spoken down on the beach, implying a confidence she didn't completely feel, but she wanted this, wanted him. She needed to be with him. Kissing him again, she kept him from speaking any more, dragging him into the room. Harm shut the door quietly behind them.

They fell onto the bed together and continued the exploration that had begun down on the beach, deepening it, taking it further. Mac had left the bedside light on earlier and she reached to turn it off, but Harm stopped her. "Don't. I want to see you."

Mac smiled softly and left the light alone. Kissing him again, she lifted the hem of his shirt to pull it off him. They separated so she could bring the material over his head, ridding him of the garment. Their lips met again, but only for a moment as Mac moved to explore. Her lips longed to touch every inch of him, from his ears to his jaw down his throat across his shoulders and around his nipples. She longed to run her tongue through the perfect amount of chest hair across his chest. Taking her time, she did exactly as she wanted.

Harm's long arms reached down and slowly unbuttoned her shirt, slipping it off her shoulders. Once bare, Harm's hands explored the soft skin of her backside before he pulled her up to kiss her lips again. "Your turn." Taking his time with his exploration, he kissed her over her red bra and down her stomach, hesitating at her belly button. Kissing his way back up, he halted his exploration momentarily to reach underneath her and unclasp her bra. He gently freed her breasts, in awe of their perfection. Leaning down, he lightly kissed one already hard nipple, swirling his tongue around theareole, his fingers rolling the other nipple. After a few minutes of this, he switched, sending his tongue to the opposite nipple, giving it the same treatment. Kissing his way back up, he found her lips again, his tongue slipping easily inside. One of them moaned, Harm wasn't sure whether it was him or Mac.

Rolling them over so she was on top, Mac kissed her way down his torso again, following the narrow trail of hair down south. Reaching the waistband of his pants, she slid her hands up his legs, moving to unbutton his jeans, her hands brushing his hardness. Harm groaned in response. As Mac worked to remove his jeans, he lifted his hips, allowing them to slip off. Mac moved leisurely back up his legs, her hands moving achingly slow, lightly skimming his skin, causing goose-bumps to form. Reaching his thighs, her hands moved up the legs of his boxer shorts, her progress slowing even further. "Mac…" Harm hissed out between his lips. She was going to kill him.

Smiling, Mac slid her hands back down his thighs, moving back above his boxers. As she straddled him, he reached up to touch her breasts. Moving his hands down to unbutton her jean shorts, one of his hands snaked inside, brushing against the lace of her underwear. This time it was Harm that rolled them over, easing Mac's shorts off once he was on top. Kissing his way back up her legs, he maintained eye contact with her. He was drowning in the chocolate depths of her eyes, but there was no place he would rather be.

Harm kissed her mound over her red, lacy, underwear. "Were we being patriotic today?" he asked as he kissed, losing himself in the scent of her arousal.

"Maybe," Mac whispered, arching her hips forward, urging Harm closer. She was going to die if he didn't do something soon.

Moving away from her core, Harm kissed his way up her body, stretching himself across her to find her lips again. His voice a whisper, he said, "I like it."

Between kisses, Mac responded, "I… like… you…" When her simple statement was completed, she flipped them again, placing herself, once more, on top. Her core was hovering mere inches from his organ. Smiling with a devilish grin, she slid one hand inside his boxers and grasped him firmly.

"Oh, God, Mac," Harm groaned. He wanted to yell, he wanted to explode, but yelling would alert his mom and Frank, and exploding now would end their activities before they got started.

Mac moved her hand up and down him, slowly. Finding the drop of liquid already present in his excitement, she spread it around, circulating out from the tip of his length. She had only felt him once before like this, but it was quick and desperate and she had not been able to truly enjoy the experience, or even see what she was doing. But now, Mac was certain she would never get enough of touching this man, pleasing him.

As she pulled her hand away, Harm mourned the loss of contact. The sound he emitted was close to a whimper.

Mac only continued to smile as she gently pulled down his boxers. Raising his hips once again, Harm felt the material slide off him. Spending a moment looking at him, Mac marveled at the sight before her. Lowering her head, she placed a kiss on the tip of his penis, tasting him.

Harm groaned again. Kissing her way down his length, Mac ran her tongue back up like she was licking an ice cream cone. Moving his hands, he gripped her head, urging her onward. He didn't want her to feel like he was forcing her to do this, but he wanted what she was offering. When Mac placed her whole mouth over him, he thought he was going to die in the warm heat that was her mouth. Moving up and down, her tongue swirling around, she stroked his thighs, sometimes hard, sometimes soft, and every once in a while, she would use one hand to play with his balls. He didn't know what she would do next, but if she didn't stop, he was going to explode.

Mac felt him drag her up. Her lips found him, desperately seeking to be connected to him. Rolled them again, he tugged her underwear down as they moved. Once the thin scrap of material was gone, Harm traced the outline of her lower lips with his fingers. Slipping one finger into her slit, she gasped. Sliding his fingers through her wetness, he teased her clit. Harm moved his lips from hers and kissed his way down again, his tongue licking the skin in the valley between her breasts. As he reached the juncture between her legs, he slid one finger further into her, causing her to moan in pleasure.

Tentatively, he reached his tongue out and lapped at her juices. He had tasted her once before, but it wasn't nearly enough. That night, he had wanted to do so much more, take them so much further, but it hadn't been in the cards. Now, it was their turn. Slipping a second finger inside, Harm's tongue teased her clit. "Harm!" Mac called, losing herself in the sensation. Arching her hips forward, she pushed Harm's fingers deeper inside. The spring inside was twisting tighter and it was about to release. "Harm…" she moaned, her knuckles white from her tight grip on the sheets.

Swirling his tongue around her clit, he bent his fingers deep inside her.

"Oh God!" she yelled.

From between her legs, Harm grinned. It was a beautiful sound, one he would never grow tired of hearing. Moving back up, he laid beside her as she came down and was caught off guard when she rolled back on top of him.

Crashing her lips on to his, her tongue invaded his mouth as her center hovered above his erection. She lowered herself, not on to him, but close enough to lubricate him.

"Mac…" he breathed as she broke the kiss.

"Do you want this?" she asked.

"More than anything. I want you."

Mac kissed him again.

Harm struggled for control and rolled her under him again. He was poised at her entrance. Sliding himself along her, he lubricated himself further. Mac moved her hips forward, encouraging him. "I want to feel you, Harm. Inside me."

Harm began to ease himself inside.

They both groaned at the beginning of their joining.

"Are you okay?" he asked, with just his tip inside.

"Don't stop," Mac begged.

Harm slid a little further in, unable to stop himself. "No, I mean, are you okay? We agreed to wait another year." His voice was strained and it was taking all of his self-control to not give in and bury himself completely.

Mac paused at this. Shaking her head, she wanted to cry. "I'm not, Harm. Do you have anything?"

Shaking his head, his heart broke even as he slid further inside. "I left them at home. I wasn't planning on using them out here. Do you?" He knew by the look in her eyes, though, that she was as unprepared as he was. They had come so close, but they were going to have to stop because they weren't covered for birth control.

"I wasn't expecting this to happen," she whispered as she moved her hips forward, unable to stop.

Harm was almost all the way in, and knowing it might be all he would get, he went ahead and pushed the rest of the way in. Hesitating to even think of his mom and Frank in such a manner, Harm doubted they would have any condoms. It looked like they were stuck.

Mac wrapped her arms around Harm, pulling him closer. "I don't want to stop," she whispered. Moving her hips, she emphasized her point, her breathing heavy.

Harm moaned, thrusting in response. Breathing heavily as well, he could smell their arousal, the scent of Mac's shampoo, the smell of the beach. He never wanted to leave now that he had found his piece of heaven.

Mac clung to Harm like it was all she had. They both kept moving, neither willing to call a halt to the experience. Rolling herself back on top, she willed herself to stop.

Mac was bent low over him, her torso pressing against his. Leaning up and kissing her, his hands explored her backside. Reaching low, he clutched her rear end, pulling the skin taut, the action causing her to gasp. "Oh, Harm…"

They were both still moving. Mac didn't have it in her to stop this union. "What if…" Harm began, desperate to continue, "I pull out."

"I could still get pregnant," Mac breathed heavily.

"If that happens, will figure it out. I promise," Harm managed to choke out.

Mac nodded, knowing she shouldn't accept this, but powerless to stop it. Her body and her heart were staging a revolt and refused to listen to her brain.

Harm rolled them over once more and balanced himself on his forearms above her. "God, Mac…"

They continued the slow dance they were engaged in, both of them knowing they were playing with fire. Mac trailed her nails up and down his back while Harm twisted her hair around his knuckles. Their groans, moans, gasps, and hushed words created a song to which they alone danced.

Harm felt the tension building in her and knew she was close, but he didn't know if he could hold off until she finished. "Mac," he breathed. "Let it go."

Her breathing quickened even more. "Harm!" she called as quietly as she could.

Feeling her muscles contract around him, he tried to hold on as long as he could, draw out the pleasure for her, but he knew he couldn't last.

"Oh, God, Harm…" she moaned, louder this time.

Was there ever a more beautiful sound? At the last moment, Harm called her name and pulled out, barely making it. Spilling his seed over her stomach, he collapsed on top of her.

For many long minutes, they lay together, catching their breath. The scent of their union filled the room. Harm breathed in her shampoo, mingled with her sweat, and Mac could smell the traces of his aftershave, also mingling with his sweat. Finally, Harm pulled off her. Neither of them knew what to say.

Mac moved to the side a little and grabbed a tissue from the nightstand. Wiping Harm's seed off her stomach, she carelessly tossed the tissue on the floor and moved back next to him, curling herself around him, one hand splayed across his chest.

Harm pulled her close with one arm under her shoulders. Rolling onto his side, he wrapped his other arm over her and nuzzled into her hair. His voice barely audible, he said, "Love you."

"Love you, too," she whispered back, just as quietly.

Harm moved to slip out of the covers as Mac started to doze off.

Tightening her grip around him, she said, "Stay."

It was all he needed. Harm reached up and turned the light off, content to settle in for the night.

xxxxx

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Monday, July 5, 2004  
0733 Hours (local)

Harm woke up before Mac the next morning. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. He would have been happy to stay with her, but he knew he wasn't going to go back to sleep, and instead of disturbing her, he decided to go ahead and get up. Sliding out from under the covers, he pulled his boxer shorts back on and walked to the door. Pausing, he glanced back and smiled at the sleeping woman still wrapped in the sheets. She was incredible.

Slipping out of the room, he closed the door quietly behind him and crossed the hall to his room. Shutting that door behind him, he quickly changed his clothes. He went downstairs and was surprised to see his mom at the kitchen table, sipping coffee and reading the paper. "Morning," he said calmly.

"Morning, dear," she called. "Sleep good last night?"

Thinking about the previous night, Harm poured himself a cup of coffee. Before he had even fallen asleep, it had been the best night of his life. Sex had never felt like that before. It had never been like coming home. He knew, without a doubt, that never in his life had he made love, until Mac. Last night he had probably slept better than he ever had in his life. "Yeah," was all he told his mom.

He took a seat at the table with his coffee and picked up the sports section.

"That's nice," Trish said, looking up at him, smiling, her blue eyes twinkling.

Harm met her gaze for a moment before returning to the paper. He knew she knew. How could she not? His bedroom door had been left open all night and he and Mac hadn't exactly been quiet. Hell, he was 40-years-old and he knew his mom knew he wasn't a virgin; she wasn't that naïve. But he wasn't about to discuss his sex life with her.

"You and Mac should go out today," she suggested as she sipped her coffee.

"We don't have a car," he reminded her.

"You could take mine."

"You aren't going to work?" Harm asked, glancing up from the paper, surprised.

"The gallery will survive a day without me."

"Oh."

"Take Mac out to lunch, do some shopping. I think it would be good for you guys to get out of the house for a while before she has to catch her flight."

Harm nodded. "I'll have to ask Mac when she gets up."

"Ask me what?" Mac asked as she entered the kitchen. Her eyes were still filled with sleep and her hair was disheveled, but in Harm's eyes, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"Do you want to go out today for lunch, maybe do some shopping?" Harm asked, smiling. He wanted to go to her, take her in his arms and kiss the daylights out of her until she agreed to go back upstairs with him and get back in bed, but he also wanted to talk to her before they did anything more public with their relationship, make sure she was okay with everything.

Mac nodded. "That sounds good. We can do that."

Trish smiled. She knew Harm would love to get out of the house and go somewhere other than to see a doctor. Having Mac with him would only make it better.

Mac poured herself a cup of coffee and took a seat next to Harm. Deciding to follow his lead, she acted as if nothing had happened the night before. "Did you have anything particular in mind?" she asked.

"There's a restaurant down on the pier with a great view of the ocean and there are lots of little shops around there."

Mac nodded, smiling. "It'll be fun."

xxxxx

Seaside Escape  
La Jolla, California  
Monday, July 5, 2004  
1307 Hours (local)

They had both ordered salads for lunch. As Mac put a forkful into her mouth, Harm asked her, "Should we talk about it?"

"Last night?" When he nodded, Mac shook her head and continued, "It happened and I don't regret it. I wanted it to happen."

Harm couldn't help but to smile. Even though she had invited him into her room, he was still afraid that she would regret it today. Fearing that she had gotten caught up in the moment and now resented him because he had followed through had made him unsure, but at her words, that fear was gone. "So did I."

Mac smiled as she speared some lettuce and a piece of a tomato, all drenched in salad dressing. "Then there is no problem."

"I didn't say there was."

Mac continued chewing for a moment. "Has this changed how you feel about coming back to JAG?"

"I still want to come back, but…" he trailed off.

Mac shook her head and put her fork down. "Absolutely not. Do not base your career decisions on me. Don't worry about me. Do what you want, what makes you happy."

"You make me happy."

Mac picked her fork up. "Okay, do what makes you happy career-wise."

Harm nodded and took a bite of his salad. "What does this mean for us, then?"

"We are what we are," Mac stated simply.

Harm regarded her for a moment, but didn't say a word.

"Don't ask me what we are, though," she smiled. They had never really been able to put a label on their relationship with each other, so why should now be any different? "But can we get off the topic, please?" she asked, her eyes pleading.

"I guess so, but… why?"

"Last night happened. It was a beautiful thing that neither one of us regrets. Yes, it's changed things between us and I'm not sure how things will be when you come back east. But I feel like it was a step in the right direction, forward, and I'm afraid that if we talk about it too much, we'll analyze it to death, and end up taking two steps backwards. Best to let sleeping dogs lie."

"Good point," Harm nodded as he took his last bite of salad.

They were silent for a few minutes, each enjoying the company of the other. Their server came, Harm paid the bill, and they walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand.

They wandered around the area, gazing through windows and ducking inside shops. Mac bought a new pair of shoes and a lightweight dress to take home. She also got a few little toys for little AJ and Jimmy. As they passed one window, Mac stopped to look in at the jewelry. Even though she didn't say anything, Harm followed her gaze to a simple ring, nothing more than a gold band with a diamond. Knowing what was on her mind, he vowed to make things right and told himself he'd come back one day soon.

xxxxx

San Diego International Airport  
San Diego, California  
Monday, July 5, 2004  
2115 Hours (local)

Harm and Mac stood outside the set of double doors leading into the airport, Mac's bags at their feet. Trish was in the car, the engine idling. "It's been a great weekend," Mac smiled up to Harm.

"Thank you for coming. I'm sorry I made you miss Harriet's party, though."

"No offense to Harriet, but I think I enjoyed this more," Mac grinned, her eyes sparkling.

Grinning back down to her, Harm responded, "Good to know. I'll have to file it away for later use."

Mac laughed. "I have no doubt you will."

Suddenly serious, Harm grabbed her hand and said, "I wish I was going with you."

"You know, about a month before your mom called me to tell me you were in the hospital, I had won a huge case in court against Sturgis and Bud. It had been an uphill battle, so when I got home, I was so excited. I picked up the phone to call you and remembered you weren't home. It completely deflated me, but it also made me realize that I was ready for you to come back into my life. I wanted you to come home. I missed you, and I wish you were coming home now," Mac finished, her eyes threatening to tear up.

Harm squeezed her hand. "I'll come home soon. But if you want to call me, for any reason, call me."

"That goes for you, too."

Harm smiled. "Well, you'll get sick of me calling you real quick," he teased.

"Doubt it," Mac smiled.

For a moment, they only gazed at each other, oblivious to the people moving around them. "Aw, hell," Harm said, grinning. Pulling Mac towards him, he wrapped her in his arms, kissing her passionately.

Mac was caught off-guard, but she quickly gave herself over to the situation. Wrapping her arms around him, she pulled his head down to her level. As she slipped her tongue out of her mouth, Harm opened his mouth under hers. Their tongues danced and they quickly became lost in each other. Pulling back for air, neither of them could help smiling. "Wow," Mac said.

"You got that right," Harm said.

"If I get goodbyes like that, I'll have to leave more often."

"You better not," Harm threatened, pulling her close for one last kiss.

When they separated, Mac took a step back, putting some distance between them, fearing that if she didn't, she'd end up with a UA charge against her in the morning.

Harm picked up her bags and held them out to her. "Call me when you get to work in the morning, just to let me know you got in all right."

"Will do." Unable to keep the words from spilling out, Mac said, "Love you, Harm."

"Love you, too, Mac," Harm responded automatically, but still meaning every bit of it.

Mac quickly turned and left without saying another word and Harm watched her go with a smile on his lips. In the idling car, Trish was also wearing a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Ha ha! While reviewing this story before posting, I couldn't help but notice the date on the opening of this one. It's exactly six years before my wedding day. A wedding pre-versary?

xxxxx

Mac's Apartment  
Georgetown  
Washington, D.C.  
Wednesday, July 21, 2004  
2107 Hours (local)

The telephone rang just as Mac pulled her dinner from the microwave. Setting the steaming TV dinner down on the counter, she spun around to answer the phone. "MacKenzie."

"Hey, beautiful," Harm's voice spoke.

"Hey yourself. How are you? Is everything okay?" Mac asked worriedly as she peeled back the wrapping on her dinner, succeeding not only in exposing the meal to her, but also burning her fingers. She couldn't help but to worry every time Harm called her.

"I'm fine," he said. On the opposite side of the country, he was wearing a smile, thinking of coming home to her. He knew she worried about him every time he called and he couldn't help but to be touched by the gesture. "I know you worry, but I'm fine."

"Good," Mac smiled as she inserted her fingers into her mouth, trying to cool them. After making meals like this for so many years, one would think she would know to let the food cool before pulling back the plastic, but she was never patient when it came to food. "So, are you calling for any reason in particular?" she asked.

"Actually, I am," he said, his grin widening.

Mac could hear the excitement in his voice. "Oh?" she asked.

"I'm coming home," he stated calmly, even though his stomach was jumping up and down with excitement.

"Oh my God!" Mac squealed, dropping the fork she had picked up and was getting ready to spear her still-steaming chicken with. "When?" she asked excitedly.

"Next week," he answered proudly.

Grinning, Mac retrieved her fork from the floor and rinsed it off in the sink. "That's wonderful, Harm! I can't wait!"

"Neither can I," he admitted. He really wanted to see her again, make sure everything was going to be okay between them after what happened the last time she had come to visit. They were fine talking over the phone, but things tended to happen when they were in each other's presence, and Harm was afraid of that explosion he had tried to avoid by leaving last December.

"Do you have the flight information yet?" Mac asked as she took a steaming bite of her dinner. It was very hot, but Mac didn't stick it in the microwave so it would remain cold.

"No, but I'll tell you when I do."

"I'll pick you up," Mac offered, her mouth full of food.

"Are you eating?" Harm asked suddenly, changing the topic.

"Mm hmm," Mac grunted, another mouthful of food keeping her from talking.

"Oh," Harm said sadly. "I'll let you go, then, so you can eat." He had really been hoping he could just spend some time talking with Mac tonight. His mom and Frank had been great, but he missed his old life, the life that revolved around the law, the Navy, and Mac.

"No, you don't have to," Mac spoke quickly, not wanting him to hang up. She loved talking to him after a day at work. It wasn't the same as having him home, but it was better than nothing. "I like talking to you while I eat."

"I can't afford to call you every time you eat," Harm warned, the grin having returned to his lips.

"I'm not asking you to call me every time I eat. Just tonight," she said, taking another bite.

"I see how it is…" Harm trailed. "You only want to hear from me when it's convenient for you."

Swallowing quickly, Mac answered, "You hit the nail on the head, Hammer."

"Cute, Marine," Harm responded. He rose from the chair he had been sitting in on the deck and began pacing.

"I believe beautiful was the word you used earlier," Mac reminded him.

"I meant that one."

"You better have. If you didn't, I'd be out there in a few hours to kick your six," Mac laughed lightly.

"Kick it to where?" Harm questioned.

"Hmm…" Mac pondered for a moment as she chewed. "Here."

"Oh, in that case, I didn't mean it," he said smartly.

"Too late. I already know that you meant it."

Harm laughed lightly for a moment before sobering. "Are you really glad that I'll be coming home?"

"Hell yeah I am. I miss you, Harm. Even before your accident, I missed you. I was ready for you to come home."

"I was ready to come home, too. Then…" he trailed off.

"You still don't remember what happened, do you?" Mac asked softly.

"No," Harm answered, shaking his head as if she could see him. "I can remember some of the cases I was working on before the accident, but not exactly what happened. I spoke to my CO out here when I went back to the base to collect my stuff. He looked over my caseload and he thinks my situation may be tied to a particular case. A Lieutenant was caught running a drug-ring, both off base and on. The people involved that were related to the base have all been accounted for and are in the system now. But a few of the off-base guys have disappeared."

"But he thinks this case may be involved?" Mac asked.

"It may, but unless the missing men are found, we are just as clueless now as we were when it happened."

"Hmm…" Mac nodded, chewing her food thoughtfully. "But you remember most of what happened before that?"

"Bits and pieces. Things are coming back to me."

"Well, that's good."

"Yeah, it is," he admitted. "But it also reminds me of how boring my life was."

"At North Island?"

Harm nodded before remembering that Mac couldn't see him. "Yeah."

"Were the cases that bad?"

"No," he chuckled. "The cases weren't bad. But you weren't here."

Mac snorted, trying not to choke on her chicken. "You missed the arguing, huh?"

"I did. Arguing with you keeps my mind sharp. I just wish we didn't do it to hurt each other," he said softly.

"Me, too," Mac admitted.

"Maybe we should work on that," Harm suggested. "Arguing without insults, taking the emotion, the hurt, out of it."

"Sounds simple, probably won't be. Our lives never work out that way."

"Maybe we're due for a break," Harm said, serious, but keeping his voice light. "What do you say?"

Nodding to herself and smiling, Mac said, "I'm up for it if you are."

"Oh, I'm up for it, Mac," Harm responded.

Mac rolled her eyes, scraping her fork around the edge of the small bowl with mashed potatoes. "I'm sure you're up for something," she teased.

"Whenever you are," he laughed back.

Shaking her head, Mac swallowed the last of her chicken. "Hey, can I ask you something?" her voice serious once more.

"You just did, but I'll give you another chance," Harm responded, still teasing.

"We agreed on another year, right?"

"Yeah…" Harm answered, somewhat puzzled. "Are you pregnant?" he asked suddenly.

"No!" Mac answered quickly. "I shouldn't be…" she trailed. "Given that my period started yesterday."

"Way too much information there," Harm laughed. "Go on," he insisted.

"What were you going to do for AJ's birthday out there in San Diego?"

His mind racing, Harm was silent for a moment.

"Harm? Do you remember?"

"I do," Harm said. "Don't rush me. I'm trying to think."

"Okay," Mac agreed, nodding. "Take your time."

Harm sighed heavily before he spoke. "I hadn't decided what I would do, exactly, but I wasn't about to let it slip by and not do anything. I had made you a promise and I intended to keep it."

"So, you were going to do something?"

"I was. I didn't know if I was going to call you, or… I had thought about coming home for a visit. I just wasn't sure."

"Okay," Mac said, smiling softly. "Just as long as you didn't forget."

Harm laughed. "No way I could forget something like that. It isn't everyday you get the chance to go through with a promise like I made five years ago!"

"I guess not," Mac laughed softly as well.

Halting his laughter, Harm asked, "You okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm looking forward to you coming home."

"You know I'll be expecting a huge party and balloons, don't you?" he teased.

Ideas already running through her head, Mac said brightly, "Count on it."

"I'll bet," Harm grinned.

"Harm, I'd love to stay and chat with you longer, it has been nice, but I have court in the morning and I have some preparing to do," Mac said, her voice heavy with disappointment.

"I understand," Harm said, disappointed as well. "Call me if you need any help," he offered.

"I will," Mac assured him.

"Good luck."

"Thanks. Call me when you get the flight information and I'll pick you up."

"I will. Take care, Mac."

"You, too, Harm," Mac said softly as she hung up the phone. Glancing around the room, Mac smiled to herself. Harm was coming home next week. And his comment about a party already got her mind going. Walking out of the kitchen, turning out the light as she went, Mac moved towards the couch, a glass of water in her hand and her head filled with ideas. She knew she would be talking to Harriet in the morning.

xxxxx

JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia  
Thursday, July 29, 2004  
1627 Hours (local)

"So you'll be there?" she heard his worried voice ask over the line.

"I promise," Mac responded, smiling, toying with the pen in her hand.

"You know when the flight gets in, right?" he asked.

"1840."

He sighed.

"Don't worry about it, Harm. Everything will be fine. You never used to worry about flying like this."

"It's not the flying that's bothering me," he admitted.

"Is it us?" Mac asked.

"No… I don't know. It just feels so weird to be coming home."

"It will be weird. You've been gone for almost eight months."

"That's a lot longer than I was planning on."

"It doesn't matter. I'm telling you, everything will be fine."

He sighed again. "I know. I think I'm just anxious to be doing something again."

"You still have a week at home before you even go in front of the Medical Review Board."

"Thanks for reminding me that I'll still be bored," he groaned.

"We'll figure something out to keep you out of trouble."

Harm chuckled, "Who says I want to stay out of trouble?" he asked, his voice a sexy rumble.

"If that's the case," Mac began, glancing towards the open door, "we should finish this conversation when I get home," she finished, her voice a whisper.

"But you are okay with me coming home?" he asked.

"Harm, we've been over this."

"I know, I know, one day at a time."

Mac smiled, and when she spoke, her voice was more certain than she felt inside, "Everything will work out. The Navy will decide that you can remain here at JAG, everybody will be happy to see you, and we'll figure out this whole thing between us." Jennifer Coates moved into Mac's line of sight and signaled for her. "Listen, Harm, I have to go. But I will be there at the airport when your plane lands tomorrow. I promise."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

After hanging up, Mac got to her feet and followed Coates to the Admiral's office. Inside, the Admiral, Sturgis, Bud, and Harriet were already present.

The Admiral asked, "Is everything planned for tomorrow?"

Sturgis nodded, "Yes, Sir. Colonel MacKenzie will meet Commander Rabb's plane when it lands and drive him back to his apartment. We will be there waiting for them."

"We will have everything cleaned, Sir, dusted and scrubbed," Jen added.

Harriet stated, "I will have dinner ready before they get there."

Bud spoke up, "And AJ and I will have the banner and balloons in place. Jimmy will probably be crawling around helping everybody," he grinned.

"Good. Colonel, is the flight plan still set?" the Admiral asked.

"Yes, Sir He is due in at 1840. I will keep an eye on it tomorrow just to make sure he isn't running early, or late."

"And if things aren't ready by 1930 hours?" the Admiral asked.

"I am to call the Colonel and tell her that the Members didn't decide on the Barr case yet," Bud jumped in, "they need X amount of time, X being how long until everything is ready."

"In which case, I stop by the store and pick up a few items to delay our arrival," Mac added.

"Excellent," the Admiral smiled. "Lieutenant," he said turning to Harriet, "I want to thank you for this idea. I am sure after the Commander gets over his initial shock, he'll be pleased."

"He has missed everyone," Mac added, "and I think seeing you guys will be good for him. He is anxious for something to do and I think it would mean a lot to him to know that his friends still care about him, no matter what happened."

"Well put," the Admiral nodded. "We'll meet at the Commander's apartment at 1700 tomorrow. Don't be late! Dismissed!"

xxxxx

Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport  
Arlington, Virginia  
Friday, July 30, 2004  
1852 Hours (local)

Harm had been anxious to get off the plane. Wanting to return to his normal life, he was tired of staying with his mom and Frank and being treated like an invalid. Moving beyond the security checkpoint, Harm spotted Mac immediately, his eyes drawn to her by some unseen connection. She was shifting her weight from one foot to the other and the moment she spotted Harm, her face broke out into one of the most beautiful smiles he had ever seen.

He walked quickly towards her and standing in front of her, there was an awkward moment before Mac wrapped her arms around him and stretched up for a kiss. Likewise, Harm wrapped his arms around her and met her lips. "Welcome home," she smiled when they broke apart.

"I think it will be good to be back," he smiled back. "Miss me?"

"Always," Mac pulled away. "Let's go get your bags."

"In a hurry?" Harm asked.

"No, but you know how much of a pain in the six it is to get out of here."

"Did you drive?" he asked, following her as she headed towards baggage claim.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you take Metro?"

"How many bags do you have?" she asked.

Harm was quiet for a moment. "Good point. You didn't bring your 'Vette, did you?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

"With the trunk on that thing? Don't get me wrong, it's a great car, but you can't take road trips in it."

Harm laughed.

"I borrowed your SUV," she responded, dangling the keys in front of him. "Thanks, by the way."

"You're welcome. Thanks for meeting me here."

Mac smiled, "No problem. I've been waiting for you to come home for a while now, the least I can do is meet you when your plane comes in."

"It is much appreciated," Harm grinned, draping his arm over her shoulders as they went to collect his things. He had been nervous about how Mac would react to his homecoming after the recent change in their relationship, but she seemed to be taking it well. Judging by the smile on her face and the greeting he had received, she was taking it very well. Pulling her closer for a moment, Harm thanked the powers that be for his second chance, both at life and with Mac.

xxxxx

Harm's Apartment  
North of Union Station  
Washington, D.C.  
Friday, July 30, 2004  
1943 Hours (local)

"They're here!" AJ squealed as he jumped up and down in front of the window. "Harm is back! Mac is back! They're here!" He had been told to stand by the window and watch for their arrival, a job he took to very enthusiastically.

"Okay," Harriet smiled as she moved across the floor to pull him away from the window. "We get it, sweetie. Thank you."

"Is he going to be happy?" AJ asked.

"I hope so," Bud answered, Jimmy walking unsteadily in front of him, clutching Bud's hands.

"It's show time!" The Admiral declared as he glanced around the apartment. In a short period of time, they had managed to clean the apartment, hang up a banner that read "Welcome Home Harm!" set up flowers and balloons, and cook dinner. The vegetarian lasagna Harriet had prepared was finished, staying warm in the oven. The cake Jen had picked up was on the bar, ice cream staying frozen in the freezer. Sturgis had purchased plenty of soda, mostly caffeine free given the hour, and some beer. The Admiral and Meredith had a bottle of red wine for Harm, knowing he liked to drink it over dinner.

They all gathered into a group, smiling, looking eagerly towards the door, awaiting Harm's return. Bud had scooped Jimmy up and was holding him in his arms, despite his best efforts to escape. AJ was jumping up and down, occasionally landing on his namesake's shoes. The Admiral grimaced each time, but other than the brief flash of discomfort, he didn't mind. Meredith was holding her husband's hand, their small wedding back in February having gone off without a problem. As they heard the key inserted into the lock, they all drew a collective breath.

Harm was shocked when he opened the door, surprised to see everyone waiting for him, including the kids.

"Welcome home!" they all called at once.

Grinning, Harm glanced behind him and saw the smile on Mac's face. "You knew about this, didn't you?" he asked.

"Of course!" Mac grinned. "How do you think they got in?"

Harm shook his head and turned back to his friends. "Thanks, guys." He was overwhelmed as he shook hands with the Admiral, Sturgis, and Bud, accepting the hugs from Jen and Harriet. AJ had latched himself onto Harm's leg and Harm was finally given the chance to lean down and give him the best hug he could while AJ was still glued to his leg. Looking at Jimmy, Harm gasped. "He has gotten big!"

Bud smiled. "He's crawling now, and just learning to walk."

"He's really growing up," Harriet chimed in.

Harm shook his head again. "Man, I have missed you guys!" Stealing a glance back at Mac, he smiled gratefully.

After dinner, Harriet, Meredith and Jen were cleaning up the kitchen; Bud, Sturgis, and the Admiral were playing with the kids. Harm was drifting somewhere in between, looking at his things, just glad to be back home. He was engaging in conversation with everyone, playing with the boys and trying to help in the kitchen. Like Harm, Mac was also floating around, but watching more than talking.

Rising off the floor, Harm slipped back into his bedroom, seeking just a moment on his own to gather his thoughts. Enjoying the company and the activity, he was truly glad to see everyone, but he had been caught off-guard and he wanted a few minutes to himself. Mac saw him go and gave him a few minutes before going after him. She knew that everybody would be leaving shortly and she wanted to make sure he was okay.

Finding him unpacking his bags, she asked, "You okay?" as she entered the room. Much as she had done the night he left in December, she stood in the doorway and watched him.

Harm nodded. "I'm fine, I just wanted a moment to myself."

"Just making sure."

"Thanks, for this," he said, gesturing to everyone in the outer area of the loft.

"It was Harriet's idea," Mac shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm willing to bet you planted some kind of seed into her head," he smiled.

"I may have said something about you missing everyone… and expecting balloons and a party…" Mac trailed off, smiling innocently.

"I appreciate it, though. Certainly better than coming home to a dusty, empty apartment."

"I guess," Mac responded.

Harm kept unpacking and Mac just watched him for a moment. As she was getting ready to turn and leave, Harm started chuckling.

"What is it?" she asked.

Harm pulled out one of his Navy sweatshirts from a bag and unfolded it. Inside was a framed photograph.

Mac crossed the room to the far side of Harm's bed to see it. It was the picture of the two of them in Afghanistan taken almost two years ago. Mac had an identical one on the mantel above her fireplace that she had destroyed last fall in a fit of anger. Harm had given her a new one, and apparently taken his copy with him. "You took this with you?" she asked.

He nodded. "I'm not sure why. I guess I just wanted to remember what I had waiting for me when I came home. Who I had waiting for me."

Mac gave him a relaxed smile. "That makes sense. I'm honored. Especially after the way we left things."

"My leaving seems to have been productive," he pointed out, smiling down at her.

"I'd say so," Mac agreed.

Harm leaned down, intending to drop only a quick kiss on her lips, but a quick kiss turned into a longer, more passionate one. Pulling Mac close, he tossed the picture on the bed.

Mac wrapped her arms around him, pressing herself against him. One hand pulled his head closer, her fingers running through his hair, longer now than it usually was. Harm's hands were exploring as well. One hand was slipping up the back of her shirt, desperate for bare skin, the other traveling over her clothes and heading further south. His tongue traced her lips and she opened to receive him. She moaned into his mouth while he plundered her warm recesses, also moaning in pleasure.

"I don't see anything," the Admiral said from behind them.

Harm and Mac jumped apart abruptly, already blushing.

"Sorry," the Admiral smiled. "I just came in to use the head," he explained as he stepped past them and into the bathroom.

Harm and Mac looked at each other, completely embarrassed. They didn't say a word and when the Admiral came out of the bathroom, they were still staring at each other.

"I didn't see anything," he repeated as he moved past them again.

"Sir," Mac called, turning around quickly.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I… um… we…"

"Mac, Harm," he began, "what you do personally is none of my business. Until it impacts affairs in the office, it is none of my concern. Right now, Harm isn't even working. And when he comes back, I expect you to keep it out of the office. Clear?"

"Yes, Sir," they both responded as one.

"Good," he smiled. "Carry on," he said as he turned and left the room.

Harm and Mac looked at each other for another twenty-seven seconds before they started laughing.

Shortly after rejoining the rest of the party, Bud and Harriet left to go home, taking the boys with them. It wasn't long before Jen and Sturgis left. When the Admiral and Meredith left, the Admiral smiled to both of them, wishing them a good weekend.

When the door was closed, Mac moved into the kitchen to put the remaining glasses into the dishwasher. The group had been pretty clean and there were no dishes or trash lying about, only a few glasses on the counter.

"You don't have to do that," Harm insisted.

"I know," Mac smiled. Closing the dishwasher back up, she said, "I wanted to."

"Thanks. Not just for the dishes, but everything."

Mac regarded him, a smile on her lips. "That's what friends are for. Or, whatever we are," she added.

Harm smiled. "I didn't expect this tonight and I do appreciate it."

Mac nodded. She moved across the room to pick up her purse. "You must be tired, though, so I'll just go. Give me a call if I can do anything for you."

"You don't have to go, Mac."

Mac shook her head. "You're tired, Harm. I saw a few yawns slip out earlier."

"I'm not saying I'm not tired. I just want you to stay."

Ma cocked her head and studied him.

"Please?"

Mac relented and put her purse down. "For you, I'll stay," she smiled sweetly. "But that doesn't mean you're going to get lucky."

Harm grinned, "I might."

Mac rolled her eyes and crossed the room and stepped into the bedroom.

Harm followed quickly after turning out the lights. A moment later, Mac slipped out of the bathroom and Harm went in. When he came out, Mac was in his bed, under the covers, her clothes in a pile on the floor. "Uh, Mac, what are you wearing?" he asked, suddenly hesitant.

Smiling seductively, she said, "You'll just have to get in here and find out."

Harm raised an eyebrow and was quick to strip down to his boxers. Slipping into the bed, he caught a glimpse of skin, nothing but skin. He pulled Mac close to him, letting her feel the effect she had on him.

Mac initiated the kiss, pushing Harm back into the pillows. "You're right," she said, grinning, "you might get lucky."

"Are you okay with this?" he asked.

"Are you?"

Harm nodded. "I'm very okay with this."

Mac smiled softly. "Then I'm okay with this."

Harm kissed her again, his hands running up and down her feminine curves. "About last time…" he began as he pulled away again.

"Won't happen again," Mac smiled, kissing him again. She could spend the rest of her life kissing him. "I've got it covered."

"Good," Harm said as he rolled them over, kissing her once again, glad to be home. Gazing into her soulful brown eyes, he realized that the thing that made him the happiest was having Mac in his life.

The twinkle in Harm's seawater-green eyes let Mac know he was as happy as she was. There was no place she would rather be and she hoped they could make it work this time. After everything, they deserved a little happiness. Closing her eyes, Mac kissed Harm's lips, longing to do it for many years to come.


	10. Chapter 10

Burnett Residence  
La Jolla, California  
Friday, December 24, 2004  
2301 Hours (local)

The Medical Review Board cleared Harm for duty in August. Within days of returning to work, he was back in action in the courtroom like he had never left. Two months later, he was given permission to drive, as he was able to control his movements. It was recommended that he not drive for long distances or when he was extremely tired, but his life was returning to normal. Given the extent of his injury, however, he was unable to continue flying for the Navy and unable to maintain his private pilot's license.

He and Mac had formed a much closer relationship. That's not to say that they didn't have their arguments, because they did, but they never reached the intensity of the previous autumn. Sometimes the specters of their past rose from the ashes to haunt them, but they were dealt with before being reburied. After Harm's close call, after the time and space they had given each other, neither was willing to give up on the other. They both wanted to make things work, well aware of what a failure would cost. Broken hearts were not easily repaired, but it could be done, although annihilated hearts were another matter.

"I'm glad you came out here for Christmas," Harm said as he pulled Mac close to him on the couch.

"Thanks for inviting me," Mac responded as she snuggled down into his arms, her back to his front, his back nestled into the corner of the couch.

"I think my mom is glad to see you, too."

"She just wanted to make sure somebody was keeping you out of trouble," Mac grinned.

"That's it," Harm nodded, rolling his eyes. "That's all she wants is for _you_ to keep _me_ out of trouble. Never mind all the trouble you get into…"

"I always make it out when you have my six, and you seem to make it out okay when I have yours," Mac reminded him.

"Speaking of sixes…" Harm trailed as he slipped a hand down between them, caressing Mac's six.

Mac giggled.

"There you go, giggling again. One day I am going to get it on tape just to show people that Marines do giggle."

"Do that and you won't have a six anymore," Mac threatened, her smile lighting up her eyes. "And please, kindly remove your hand from my six. Your mother's couch is not the place for this."

"Then let's take it upstairs," he suggested, nuzzling into her hair, moving his hand from her rear end to her breast.

Mac shook her head, "Not right now. I just want to stay here in front of the fire and look at the Christmas tree."

"You just want to know what I got you for Christmas," he teased. He had gotten her good this year. Her big gift was actually small: a necklace with three diamonds on it, one representing their past, one their present, and one their future, each cut in the shape of a heart. Along with the necklace was a pair of earrings, two small gold roses with a tiny diamond in the center. He had been dying to show her the items the day he bought them and it had taken all of his self-control to not give in.

She had no idea what he had gotten for her, but the smile he had when he came back from shopping for her let her know it was good. "Like staring at it is going to help. I've had a month to stare at it because somebody wanted to get his Christmas shopping done early this year," Mac teased him. But Mac wasn't only excited about her gift from him, she also couldn't wait to give him his gift: a new watch, to replace the one she had given him for his fortieth birthday that was lost during his accident. It even had a new engraving on the back that read, "To Harm, my best friend, for Christmas. Love, Mac." Like the first watch, it was sterling silver and had a simple design.

"Only for you."

"I suppose I should be flattered."

"I want you to always feel flattered with me."

"I do."

"Really?" Harm asked, his eyebrows raised.

Mac twisted in his arms so she was facing him. "Maybe flattery isn't the right word… But these last few months have been good, Harm. The dinners, the movies, the late nights at your place or mine…"

Harm could see the tears welling in her eyes. "Hey," he said, reaching up to stroke one cheek. "You're scaring me. Don't cry."

Mac laughed weakly and closed her eyes. "You remember that night on the Admiral's porch?" she asked.

"Your engagement party or his?"

"His."

"Yeah."

"I said I wanted to be happy," she reminded him.

"You deserve to be happy."

"You make me happy."

It was a simple statement, but Harm knew what she meant. "And you make me happy, Sarah."

At the use of her given name, Mac opened her eyes and turned her gaze to him. "I used to think about what it would be like if we ever got this to work," she began.

"And?" Harm wanted her to go on.

"The good ones always turned out kind of like this. They always made me feel good."

"There were bad ones?" he asked.

"Occasionally. And there were times when I thought it would never happen between us. But this, what we have, Harm, it is what I've always wanted for us. I've always wanted us to be happy."

Harm looked at her closely for a moment before he asked, "Have I ever told you that I love you?"

"A few times."

Harm nodded. "I love you."

Thinking back to the first time he had said those words, just a little more than a year earlier, Mac had a worried expression on her face. "Do you plan on leaving anytime soon?"

"Not at any point in the future," he answered, his gaze meeting hers.

Mac relaxed and smiled. "I love you, too."

Harm wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. Mac rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Gazing down at her, he knew she was the most beautiful woman in the world, her skin illuminated by the firelight and the lights on the tree. "I think maybe I should have invited you out here for Christmas years ago."

"You didn't used to come out here for Christmas," she reminded him.

"No, not for a few years."

"Why this year?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love my dad and I miss him, but I wanted to spend this year with the living. I came a little too close to seeing my dad again. I'm not ready for that."

"I'm not ready to let you go," Mac whispered.

"And I'm not ready to let you go, either."

"You've changed in the last year," Mac said gently.

Her statement did not insult Harm, only made him curious. "Is that good or bad?"

"We're together, aren't we?" Mac asked, hoping he would understand the meaning.

Harm smiled in the dim light. "I saw things a little differently after the accident. I came too close to losing everything to not do something about it. But you've changed, too, Mac."

"I suppose," she responded quietly. "I guess that comes from seeing you on death's door." She went on, her voice still quieter, and somewhat shaky, "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"You would have gone on, had a great career, lived a wonderful life that made you happy, and I would have been watching over you to make sure you didn't get hurt."

Mac shook her head. "I don't think so. I think I would have gone down with you."

"Look at me, Mac," Harm insisted. When her gaze met his, he went on, "You are an incredible woman and you would have done fine without me. It may have hurt, but in the end, you would have gotten back on your feet again. You are strong, intelligent, brave, beautiful, loving, caring… amazing. You would have survived."

Mac nodded. "Thank you."

"I mean it. It's because of those reasons that I love you."

"But you know what would have really hurt?" she asked.

"What?"

"That you would have gone and you wouldn't have known that I love you."

"I knew, Mac. I've always known. It's in every little thing you do. I would have regretted never really getting to tell _you_ that I love you."

Mac smiled. "But I knew that you loved me. Not everybody would fly to Paraguay to save me and thwart a terrorist plot," she said, thinking of all the things he had done for her over the years.

"It's funny. It took us so long to get to this point," Harm responded.

"No," Mac shook her head. "It's sad. But I think we just had to go through things, experience life, to become who we are, to make this possible."

Harm nodded. "I think there is something to that. Life makes us who we are."

"The important thing," Mac said, suddenly brightening, "is that we are here."

Harm smiled, tightening his arms around her once again. "Very true."

Mac leaned low and kissed him. As their kiss heated up, she whispered, "What do you say to taking this party upstairs?"

Harm continued to kiss her before answering, "I think that sounds like an excellent idea."

Pulling away from him, as difficult as it was, Mac climbed off the couch and held her hand out to Harm. Once on his feet, he pulled her close for another kiss before they headed up the stairs, side by side, holding hands.

xxxxx

Blacksburg Municipal Airport  
Blacksburg, Virginia  
Saturday, January 8, 2005  
1257 Hours (local)

They had spent the morning working on _Sarah_. Even though Harm couldn't fly it, he was determined to keep it maintained. Mac had been truly interested in learning about the plane and Harm was impressed with how quickly she was picking up on the mechanics of the machine. They had been cleaning some of the parts and had taken a break over lunch, laughing and enjoying the day.

Harm rose from the table while Mac shoved the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth. She wasn't watching him as she finished cleaning a small part. Harm removed a tiny object from the pocket of his pants, a smile on his face, and slipped it into the engine of his plane. Having purchased it the previous summer while he was still in La Jolla, he had been waiting for the right time, waiting to see how things went between him and Mac. When Mac was done wiping the small part, he called to her. "Hey, Mac?"

"Yeah?" she responded, without looking up.

"You want to bring that part you're working on over here?"

"Sure," she said. She got to her feet and shoved the rag into her pocket. As she headed towards the plane, Harm stepped away, moving to the toolbox, searching for something. It wasn't very long before he heard her voice. "Hey, Harm, come here for a second."

Harm quit rifling through the toolbox and moved back to the plane. "What's up?"

"Umm… look in there," she instructed, her eyes wide with curiosity.

Harm looked where she indicated. "Yeah?"

Mac looked again and said, "Does that belong there?"

"No," Harm said shaking his head, still gazing at the object. "You're right, it doesn't belong there." He glanced back at Mac for a moment. She was trying hard not to smile and it was a losing battle. Harm was trying to not smile as well. Quickly turning his gaze away and back to the plane, he reached up and removed the object. He lifted Mac's hand and slid the ring onto her finger. "It belongs here. That is, if you'll have me."

Mac gasped.

"Sarah, will you marry me?"

Mac's eyes filled with tears. "Yes," she said quietly.

Harm smiled, slid the ring on the rest of the way, and pulled her close to kiss her. When they broke, a few tears had spilled out of her eyes. Harm thumbed these away. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Pulling her close to him for a hug, Harm knew he had a good life. He may not be able to fly anymore, but he was alive, and he had Mac.

Her head on his chest, Mac blinked back her happy tears. This was how it was always meant to be for them. They were always meant to be together.

Speaking into her hair, Harm asked, "What do you say we get back to work on the plane?"

Mac nodded. "That's what we're here for." She pulled herself out of his embrace, already missing his warmth in the cold January air.

Harm turned back to the engine as he said, "I was thinking that after we finish here, we could head home, get cleaned up, and go out for a nice dinner to celebrate."

"You had this entirely planned out, didn't you?" Mac asked, her hands on her hips, one clenching a wrench, a rag hanging out the side pocket of her jeans, and a streak of dirt on one cheek from where Harm had wiped her tears.

"Of course," Harm smiled. "And I knew you'd say yes, so I've got reservations for Julian's later tonight."

Mac's mouth dropped open. "They have the best Italian food outside of Italy. And they are so hard to get into on a Saturday night!" Mac squealed.

Harm nodded. "We're in, so if you want to go, we have to finish up with the plane."

Dropping her wrench, Mac raced to Harm and jumped him, wrapping her arms and legs around him. "Thank you, Harm!"

Harm held her close for a moment until she was ready to get down. "You're quite welcome."

Planting her feet on the ground, Mac pushed a few strands of hair out of her face, tucking them behind her ear. "I never would have taken you for a romantic," she said, bending down to retrieve her wrench.

"I hate to tell you this, Mac, but this is as romantic as I get."

Handing Harm her wrench, she said, "I can live with that, as long as all of your romantic gestures are meant for me."

Accepting the wrench, Harm went to work in the engine of the plane again, Mac looking over his shoulder, and said, "Then this marriage thing between us is going to work out fine."

Mac watched as Harm's long fingers worked skillfully with the engine parts. By looking at him, one would never know that he had been seriously injured. She both respected and admired the way he treated the plane and hoped that one day, he would trust her with the machine. Smiling, she focused on the task at hand, her stomach already anticipating the meal it would get later in the evening, and her heart filled with a sense of joy she never knew was possible.

xxxxx

Manassas Regional Airport  
Manassas, Virginia  
Sunday, February 26, 2005  
0955 Hours (local)

"Mac, are you sure you want to do this?" Harm asked as he looked at the wide, open space around them.

Mac nodded, grinning broadly. "I do, Harm," she responded, pulling a few wisps of hair away from her face. She had butterflies in her stomach and the windy weather only caused them to multiply, but she was determined. And she really did want to do this, not just for Harm, but for herself, too.

"'Cause you don't have to if you don't want to."

"Harm," she said, silencing him by placing a finger on his lips, "I want to."

Looking into the depth of her eyes, he could see the smile there and knew she meant it. "I'm proud of you."

Mac shook her head, breaking the gaze. "This is nothing. I'm proud of you. You've overcome a lot and come a long way."

"Is that why you're doing this?" he asked, his uncertainty showing in his eyes.

Mac shook her head again. "We talked about this, Harm. I really want to do this. I know how much this meant to you and I want to experience that. I want to feel the freedom you felt. And I want to give part of that back to you. I can't give it all back-"

Harm interrupted her, "I don't need it back. I've already got something better."

"Who says you can't have more?" Mac asked with a smile. "I know you could go the rest of your life without this, but you shouldn't have to. This is a part of who you are. And this is a part of getting that back."

"But you aren't doing it just for me, right?" he asked, still uncertain.

"No. I'm doing it for me, too. It's something I want to do. I promise."

Harm's face finally broke into a grin.

Greg Waters approached the couple. "You ready?" he asked Mac.

Mac nodded enthusiastically. "Let's do this."

"Follow me," Greg said, turning to walk away.

"I'll be back in a little while," Mac said to Harm, starting to walk away.

After about ten steps, Harm called out to her, "Mac!"

Mac turned around. The sun was shining brightly above her, the wind whipping her auburn hair, her eyes dancing with the sense of adventure, and her face was eager.

Harm walked to her and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks."

Mac wrapped her arms around him. "No, thank you. Thank you for coming back to me."

"I had to," he said, smiling. He pulled away a little and looked at Mac. She looked absolutely beautiful at the moment, heavenly, and Harm could have held onto her forever. But he also knew that he had to let her go and do this, let her spread her wings. He leaned down to her and claimed her lips in a passionate kiss. "Be careful up there," he said.

Mac's smile widened, "I know, I know, you're the only one allowed to pull dangerous stunts."

Harm mocked a look of hurt. "I don't try to, they just happen!"

Mac laughed. "I'll be careful."

"I'll be waiting."

Mac pulled herself away from Harm and started walking across the field once more.

"Mac!" Harm called again.

Mac turned around but kept walking, going backwards so she could face him.

"I love you!"

"Love you, too!" She gave him one last smile and turned around, jogging to catch up to Greg.

Harm remained where he was and watched her go. He was never more proud of her than when he saw the plane taxi down the runway, even though he knew she wasn't at the controls. Not yet. He couldn't help but to fight the tears as the small plane became airborne. He may never fly again, but she was determined to learn. She wanted to take him up in _Sarah_ one day, let him take the controls, like he once let her. It'd be the closest he'd ever come to flying again.

Watching the small aircraft disappear in the clouds, he would occasionally catch sight of it as it came out from behind the blankets of white to be silhouetted by the bright blue sky. He could go the rest of his life without flying, now that he had Mac, but he did yearn to be back up in the air again, even if he wasn't in complete control. And Mac was the ticket to that freedom.

Mac was giving him wings, letting him fly.

xxxxx

Epilogue

Blacksburg Municipal Airport  
Blacksburg, Virginia  
Saturday, January 14, 2023  
1134 Hours (local)

He casually slipped his arm over the shoulders of the woman next to him and smiled at the younger woman as she moved around the old yellow biplane. "I'm proud of her," he said.

"That makes two of us," the woman responded, also not taking her eyes off the younger woman and the plane.

The younger woman turned around and waved to them, smiling broadly. She looked like her mother, the same auburn hair and olive skin, but she had her father's seawater-green eyes and intense gaze. She also had his "Flyboy" smile.

"We did good, Mac," the man said.

She nodded, "That we did, Harm. That we did." They watched the younger woman for a moment in silence. "She's a lot like you."

"I know," he admitted. "But she's a lot like you, too."

Mac nodded. "She is just as obsessed with flying as you."

Harm grinned. "She comes by it honestly. We were both pilots, at some point."

"I think you've always been more obsessed than I."

"Maybe," he shrugged. "God…" he sighed. "It seems like just yesterday I was standing here watching you take her up for the first time by yourself."

"Less than 18 years ago," she reminded him gently.

"Pregnant with Tori at the time."

"I didn't know," Mac shrugged. "It did explain how lousy I was feeling."

"And she's been trouble ever since," Harm laughed.

"I don't know how I've been able to survive the both of you," Mac answered, laughing with him.

"You? What about me?" Harm laughed.

Tori, short for Victoria, walked back towards her parents. She had checked the plane over and was getting ready to climb in when she saw the couple watching her. Having gotten her pilot's license a week earlier, on her seventeenth birthday, she was taking her father's plane, _Sarah_ , up, solo, for the first time. He had gotten the plane from his father who had gotten from his father. Her father was going to restore it with her grandfather, but they never had the chance. Over the years, the three of them had made countless trips down to Blacksburg to work on the plane. She had been flying in the plane with her mom as soon as she was old enough. And now, finally, it was her turn. Approaching her parents, she had a smile on her lips.

"Hey," Mac said. "You ready to go up?"

Tori nodded. "I just wanted to say thanks, mom, dad, for supporting me through all of this," she said, grinning.

"You've made us proud," Harm said, pulling his daughter into a hug. "Congratulations. Treat her well up there, and she'll treat you well."

Mac wrapped her arms around both her daughter and her husband. "You be careful up there."

"I will," Tori said. She moved to step away from her parents and go out on her own, but she stopped a few strides away. "Hey, dad?"

"Yeah?" Harm responded.

"You want to fly with me?" she smiled.

"It's your day, honey. You take her up," he insisted.

"Come with me. Come fly with me."

"No, I don't want to intrude," he insisted again, "it's your special day."

Tori glanced to her mom.

Harm caught the gaze as Mac squeezed his arm.

"Please, dad. I want you to come with me."

"You sure?" he asked, his mouth forming a smile despite his best efforts to keep it hidden.

"Yes," she laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Go grab your stuff."

"You okay with this?" Harm asked Mac.

Mac nodded. "Go, have fun. How many times did I leave you on the ground when I was learning to fly? And when I took Tori up? It's your turn," she smiled.

Harm nodded and moved back to the hangar.

Tori smiled up at her mom.

Mac pulled her into another hug. "I am so proud of you, Tori."

"Thanks, mom," Tori responded.

"Thank you," Mac said, pulling back and looking at her daughter. "This means a lot to him, you know?"

Tori nodded. "It means a lot to me, too."

Harm came back with his helmet and goggles. "You ready?"

Tori nodded. "I'll be careful, mom."

"I know you will," Mac smiled. "You, too, Harm."

"I've stayed out of trouble for years," he reminded her.

"I know. That's what scares me," she grinned. "Watch out for him up there," she warned her daughter.

"I know, I know," she smiled. "I love you, mom."

"Love you, too," Mac responded.

Harm and Tori started walking back to the plane. "I love you, too, dad," Tori said as she looked up at her dad.

Harm draped his arms over her shoulders and pulled her close. "I love you, too, Tori."

Mac watched them go, smiling softly. Watching them as they climbed into the plane, started her up, and got her moving, she felt the tears well in her eyes. Those tears spilled out of her eyes and ran down her cheeks as she watched the plane take off, her husband in the front and her daughter in the back, at the controls. All of their dreams had come true, housed in the figure of their daughter. And whatever Tori decided to do, Mac knew she would soar, rise above whatever challenges were presented in her life. She was, after all, their daughter.

xxxxx

AN: Well, that's it. I do hope you enjoyed reading this. I appreciate the reviews and notes people have dropped me, along with the likes and the follows. I'll keep digging on this dino-computer and see what else I can unearth and post. Who knows, maybe one day I'll even feel inspired and write again (and have the time to do so).


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